Relationship Goals #1

Hey all!

So sorry for the long absence but life has been a hectic these past few months – work, girls trip out of the country (Belize was magical!), publishing my first poetry book, going back to school for my masters in mental health counseling and maintaining my relationship with my fiance and things on his side.

A major relationship GOAL that I want to stress for all couples is finding a balance between the goals you have for yourself, the goals you have with your partner and all of life’s curve balls. Because trust me some things in life will throw all the plans you’ve made straight out the window and you will have to find the strength and fortitude to keep going on all counts.

I am happy to say that this weekend was a test of my fiance and I’s balance. Happy in that we are still keeping our balance and we find ways to do so.

Let me explain why.

We are still living separately at the moment and still looking for a spot in NYC (if you’re a NYer then you know the struggle completely) and it is both a strength builder for our relationship and our greatest headache. IF you’ve forgotten, QUALITY TIME and PHYSICAL TOUCH are our love language and we can only get that on the weekends. And with our new schedules that itself gets limited to one day or just a few hours at best.  So the buildup of negative energy as the days go by takes a toll on us. I like the think of our spending time together as a recharging of our spiritual batteries for the week until we can see each other again. He thinks of it in similar terms as the calm before the stormy week ( I hate his job. He hates it too). Let me not go too much on a tangent. Back to the happiness at our balance being tested.

I do not mind traveling to see my love. Hearing him stressing out over the amount of work he had to do and the fact that our went from friday to saturday to sunday and the sun was almost gone in the sky and I still hadnn’t seen him. I made up my mind to go from Queens to the Bronx and show up at his door with food. I was not going to

experience starting off the week without seeing him again.

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We had the misfortune of going almost 3 weeks without each other one time and the way our energies was so backed up. We were irritable, withdrawn, angry. I felt so weighed down in my chest, like i was struggling to breathe. I was drowning in my missing him.

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Relationships & Energy

 

When I finally saw him, when I finally had him in my arms, it was like coming back to life after being in seclusion. Everything seemed brighter, my chest lighter. I could breathe easier.

 

So I made that trip and we laughed and we touched and we enjoyed each others company and I got a piece of my fill of him. This piece was just gonna have to tide me over and help keep the balance until next time.

You never know what your partner could be craving from you or starving for in the absence created by work and life and family and friends. Find a balance that suits you both. Be there for each other when the other is struggling to stay a float. Let them know that your in this together.

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How do you find balance in your relationship with your partner?

 

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Bonding Rituals

In reading “The Spirit of Intimacy” there is a lot of talk of rituals that bind the spirits of the individuals to others, whether its their partner, their family, or their community. These rituals can bring the couple closer by giving them a ‘sacred space’ in which they can connect to each other. While the rituals talked about in the book are lost here in the modernized world there are some rituals that we engage in everyday with out partners

screenshot-2017-03-02-at-9-18-42-pmA simple morning ritual can be “I love you. I hope you have a great day hun”just as an afternoon ritual can be “How was your day?” ..  these can be done everyday showing interest in your partner’s well-being as much as your own. Hubby and I definitely try to get this done everyday.

Another kind of ritual is kissing every time you see each other. If I’m going to see hubby before anything else, I  have to give him his kiss first or vice versa, he’ll visit me and give me a kiss before saying hi to anyone else. Its the same with leaving, we always depart with a kiss.

Bonding can be done in nature, in cuddle sessions, in working out together, the random date nights or game nights

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The relationship rituals are whatever works for you. Its the little things that you’ve been doing all along, the goals you’ve set for yourselves, the bar or restaurant you frequent, the bench in the park you always sit at, the way you cuddle up at nighttime, the way you cook together on the weekends, the kisses your partner gives you before they get out of bed, etc…

Al of these tings brings you closer and leave an impression on your heart for a lifetime. Its all the little things that keep you falling more in love with them everyday…

Connect. Support. Build. Grow. Together. Love

Loves Notes with My Hubby

I love my future husband. He is an amazing individual with compassion, drive, focus, warmth, love, intellect, vulnerability, passion. He loves me more than I love him and I acknowledge and accept it.

I tell him this almost everyday.

Here are some messages we share with one another:

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This is our everyday. Just sharing how much we love and cherish each other, how much we love our gravity and communication, how in awe we are that years later we still have a great thing going and growing.

This is a real relationship goal.

And yes work is put in to it everyday, but we make our relationship worth fighting for.

Write your loved one a note and share how you feel, sometimes the best expression is a simple, hand written “I love you”

Enjoy.

 

Backseat To Their Goals

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Photo Credit: Google Search

So recently, hubby and I had to have a talk (always talking with us) and it was something that was a long time coming.

We’re both adults, very career minded, and always looking for ways to get further with out goals.

However (there’s that word)…. what happened to the time for US?

See hubby and I don’t live together and we live boroughs apart in NYC. So the time we do get to spend together is limited to weekends and some random days during the week for a spur of the moment date night.

So we cherish our quality time together.

But there are times when making moves towards our goals get in the way of our quality time. When canceled dates become more frequent, over booking ones self more common, or you know just plain old forgetting about plans cause you’ve been so busy.

Now understanding partners are hard to find when it comes to things like this.

While we (not essentially hubby and I) don’t want to compare how we support each other, we can’t help but notice how it starts to become one-sided. We say it doesn’t hurt or its okay, but underneath t all we’re tallying up everything that is being missed.

So yeah, hubby and I had a talk. We both made some points and I let it known that I do support him in everything he does but it hurts when we make these plans for months in advance, we talked on it often but in the end he still can’t make it to something I invited him to due to poor time management.

I get it things happen beyond our control: alarm doesn’t go off, the gym was closed due to cleaning, traffic on the highway, last-minute errands and such.

still,

It’s bothersome that it was so easily brushed aside.I know it wasn’t his intention to miss it but it’s not the first time with him.

It hurts to think that i can do everything in the world to support you but of the few times when it’s really important to me for you to be there and you keep missing it, then I’ll become mum, and not say anything anymore.

I don’t want that to keep happening. So we had a sit down and got both sides across. So yes, hubby is making moves, yes i support him while he does it. but support goes both ways. Showing up goes both ways. I may not express great interest in what he does but I still I’m there (there’s goes the tallying).

I’ll complain, I’ll vent but I know when to suck it up and take it until we can fully get back to US. Only because I know he is working on bettering himself for US that I will  take the backseat to his goals and let him focus. I will put my big girl panties on and smile for him because I know it bothers him since its bothering me. I push him to be better for himself, while he pushes to be better for us. 

I’m saying all this now, but I know that it will continue to happen until we get it right. This topic will be constantly revisited because we’re human and life always has other plans besides the plans we make for ourselves.

Love. Communicate. Support.