Bonding Rituals

In reading “The Spirit of Intimacy” there is a lot of talk of rituals that bind the spirits of the individuals to others, whether its their partner, their family, or their community. These rituals can bring the couple closer by giving them a ‘sacred space’ in which they can connect to each other. While the rituals talked about in the book are lost here in the modernized world there are some rituals that we engage in everyday with out partners

screenshot-2017-03-02-at-9-18-42-pmA simple morning ritual can be “I love you. I hope you have a great day hun”just as an afternoon ritual can be “How was your day?” ..  these can be done everyday showing interest in your partner’s well-being as much as your own. Hubby and I definitely try to get this done everyday.

Another kind of ritual is kissing every time you see each other. If I’m going to see hubby before anything else, I  have to give him his kiss first or vice versa, he’ll visit me and give me a kiss before saying hi to anyone else. Its the same with leaving, we always depart with a kiss.

Bonding can be done in nature, in cuddle sessions, in working out together, the random date nights or game nights

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The relationship rituals are whatever works for you. Its the little things that you’ve been doing all along, the goals you’ve set for yourselves, the bar or restaurant you frequent, the bench in the park you always sit at, the way you cuddle up at nighttime, the way you cook together on the weekends, the kisses your partner gives you before they get out of bed, etc…

Al of these tings brings you closer and leave an impression on your heart for a lifetime. Its all the little things that keep you falling more in love with them everyday…

Connect. Support. Build. Grow. Together. Love

Loves Notes with My Hubby

I love my future husband. He is an amazing individual with compassion, drive, focus, warmth, love, intellect, vulnerability, passion. He loves me more than I love him and I acknowledge and accept it.

I tell him this almost everyday.

Here are some messages we share with one another:

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This is our everyday. Just sharing how much we love and cherish each other, how much we love our gravity and communication, how in awe we are that years later we still have a great thing going and growing.

This is a real relationship goal.

And yes work is put in to it everyday, but we make our relationship worth fighting for.

Write your loved one a note and share how you feel, sometimes the best expression is a simple, hand written “I love you”

Enjoy.

 

Give Space

Supporting your partner is a fundamental in a relationship and most of the time you don’t even really have to do much but say “Baby  I got your back” or just physically be there to show that you care. IF you’re really into it then be their biggest cheerleader!

11fca4d533a930c679ae168545d03264.jpg (504×500)Other times you can just be a silent supporter and give them the space they need to clear their head and figure things out on their own. Trust me it’s frustrating when all you want to do is be there for them when you just end up pushing them further into their own problems.

It’s ok to step back and give them breathing room. Not every problem will be solved working together. Sometimes shit needs to be solved individually.

There have been moments when I caught that tone in hubby’s voice that he was shutting down and would be over with the conversation and while it hurts that I’m just trying to help figure out a way to solve the problem and all he’s doing is shutting me out, I get it. I also cant be mad.

Yea, I’ll be off for the rest of the day cause he’s off. But then he’ll call me later and apologize and eventually tell me, ON HIS OWN, what the problem really is. We give each other that kind of respect to our own persons to handle our situations on our own.

  • We don’t push each other to say things before we’re ready.
  • We don’t demand explanations up front.
  • We don’t crowd and overwhelm each other for answers.
  • We know when to back away.
  • We know when a simple hug and kiss or a walk away to clear ones head is needed.
  • We know when not to speak.

I’m lucky that we have that kind of relationship where open communication is important to both of us. And while we may not want to talk about a situation then and there, eventually it will come out.

Really, we can’t hide squat from each other. There really is480966116-i-wont-give-up-lyrics-love-quotes.png (300×375) a 6th sense when something is wrong at times.
This kind of support comes from really knowing your partner, when to push them and not give into their bullshit and when to back away and give them your silent support. It won always come easy sometimes we may go to far but its done in love. Things will work out the way it’s supposed to in the end.

Love. Communicate. Support. Prosper.

3 Kisses: You, Me, Us

Cuddling with hubby on the couch after a short study session (taking the GRE for masters program) and he asks for a kiss.

Of course I give him one!

But then he asks for 3 kisses in all. I ask why 3 and he says..

il_fullxfull.301571879.jpg (1296×972)“One for you, One for me, and One for us.” – G.N.

His reasoning is that there are three of us in this relationship. The two of us as separate individuals and the two of us as a whole.  And I wholeheartedly agree with his reasoning.

I always thought of it that way, as in we let each other be individuals in the relationship focusing on getting our own selves together, our individuals goals/hobbies/interests. However,we also focus on bettering ourselves for each other, building each other up, taking apart in each others interest, going from ‘I’ and ‘me’ to ‘we’ and ‘our’.

It’s not as easy as it seems to get into that mindset for some or many. It’s also not easy to lose your sense of self while forming the “we” and “us” and “our”. So the thing that I want you all to remember is that your other half fell in love with you for who you are as an individual, they loved you more for who were together, but its your habits, your ‘you-isms’ that remind them every day of the reasons why they fell in love with you to begin with.

Don’t forget about your self. Don’t let others quiet your voice. If you feel the need to change, then do it for you and no one else. If you’re partner asks why, then say you’re doing it to feel good about yourself. I’m not saying anything drastic like plastic surgery (because God made you beautiful as you are) but a makeover, or wardrobe change, or trying out a new hobby, or going back to school (things like that). If you lost touch with something you once enjoyed , reconnect.

Rediscover who you are, build on who you are.. but also share this with your partner. Don’t leave them out. They are there to support you. Motivate you. Take part in the journey with you. Maybe while trying things out with you they’ll discover something they enjoy as well. Find a new spark or passion for the both of you.

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Pinterest has great date night ideas!
For example: A friend of mine (who’s getting married in the next few months) has alternating date months with her fiance, where they chose something the haven’t done before (dance lessons, cooking lessons, paint night, play, new restaurant, weekend getaway) and just go with it. I love her enthusiasm with it and its always something new and creative.

 

So its never just you, like hubby said, there’s you, there’s me, and there’s us!

How do you keep your sense of self alive while taking part in your relationship?

Basics: Communication

My first three posts were all about communication because its important and I believe that it is the basis of a good relationship.

I believe it is the key to everything.

While actions speak louder than words at times, it is still better to talk things through because some actions might not always be what we think they are.

Most of us would not have made it this far into our relationships with actions alone. While words can hurt, they can also be revealing and truthful.  Be honest with yourself and your partner. Let them know what’s on your mind, how you feel, and how they’re making you feel.

Saying it is just as important as showing it.

While its not always easy to voice things out give yourself time to think about what you want to say, how you want to say it and when. The ‘when’ can be tricky though. It took me a good week or two to tell my fiance that I thought about suicide once when I got sick. The pain was that great those first two days that I just wanted it to end. I didn’t but still it crossed my mind.

While I didn’t HAVE to say anything to him, I NEEDED to and I WANTED to because we share everything with each other, there are no real secrets, just things in our past that are irrelevant to our future. We think we know each other better than others but we still have a lot to LEARN about each other.

I’m not afraid or ashamed to admit that.

I know that conversations won’t always be easy. Hell it took me a week to admit my feelings to myself after he told me he was falling in love with me… then another week to be able to say it out loud and to his face.

Communication takes time. The ease of it takes time. And time is something that you two will have before you take that big leap. Or at least to consider in your relationship now.

As terrifying as it is to speak up its okay once I know we have the same fears or he reassures me that he has my back and we’ll make it through together.

But talking out loud doesn’t work for everyone. Sometimes writing gets the job done better. That’s fine. You can create a communication book where everything you need to say can be written down. Trade it with your partner. Let them inside your head. Let he/she respond. Go back and forth until it becomes tiresome and all you wanna do is talk it out cause your hands are cramping and you’re developing carpal tunnel, LOL.

Either way you’re “talking” to each other.

And that’s the start.