Celebrate Everyday

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With Valentine’s Day coming up tomorrow, I just want to remind you of one thing – Don’t let Valentine’s Day be the sole definer of the year for your grand gesture of love, let everyday be a day to remind your partner how much you love them exponentially.

Here’s some advice (pending on what your partner wants):

  • Even if YOU don’t particularly like celebrating Valentine’s Day (or any other holiday for that matter) listen to what your partner wants. It is not just you in the relationship. Never let your partner feel like you’re not paying attention to what they want
  • Jewelry, chocolate, and flowers are not for everyone! Don’t fall in to that stereotype. Again talk to your partner to find out what they want. You never know if a quiet evening alone with just the two of you is all they need.
  • Extravagance and expensive is not always the best bet. I can honestly say that hubby has gotten home made cards from me these past 3 years and he loves everyone of them (besides our every day love notes). A gift can be just some of your time, an acknowledgment of certain achievements or milestones, a book, a new lingerie that YOU picked out to make her feel sexy, a favorite something, etc
  • Valentine’s day can also be a time to try something new – new date night ideas, new things in the bedroom, go on an adventure… just something you haven’t done before but its made its way onto your list as things to try.

These are just some things I thought of. Not necessarily any one thing special. But… it all comes down to communication, discuss plans, suck it up and celebrate to make them happy even if its something small (stay at home cuddle session or sensual massage or read some of the strips in your happiness jar ::hint hint::).

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day.

But remember, show your love everyday!

Love.Support.Communicacte.Celebrate

 

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Balancing Money Matters

 

Being in a relationship with a mindset that you have to do everything on your own and not depend on others to do it for you can take a while to break. Trust me I know. It took a while for me to get used to hubby paying for our nights out most of the time since I was in the mindset that I could pay for myself or he doesn’t have to pay for everything. It took me some time to understand that it was what he saw himself doing for me, for us. He wanted to show that he can provide for us. That he was able to do it. That he was the ‘man’. He KNEW that I could do it but wanted me to not have to.

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Photo Credit: Your Money Matters

 

With society wanting us to be ‘independent women’ relying on no one for anything its hard to take that step back and let someone take care of us. For men with society telling them they need to be the ‘providers’ in the relationship in all aspects, again its hard for them to take that step back from time-to-time and let the women take the lead without feeling like they’re losing their masculinity.

Being in a relationship means that there need to be a balance communicated between the two of you whether it’s with money or anything else that you feel needs to be taken care of. Talking to each other helps. Don’t let frustrations build up to the last minute and then there is a huge rift formed between you too by keeping things at bay for a long time.

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While I may get frustrated with my lack of money to put towards the goals we have together (buying a home), I have to understand my limitations as well. Always recognize your limitations as well as you can, it gives you room to accept and grow beyond them within your means.

My coworker and her Beau had a similar occurrence where MONEY MATTERS disturbed their peace. Again the mindset that he had to provide and pay for everything was overwhelming for HIM, but its not what she was ASKING for. As complicated as people like to think women are, its only because they are not paying attention or really listening. Like most established women she CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF, all she wanted was a bit of his time, his company. She DID NOT ASK for his money, she did not say they needed to go out and do anything, all she wanted was his TIME.
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For someone whose love language is QUALITY TIME, I understand that feeling. I don’t need to go out and spend time with you, I can stay in and spend time with you.

Every moment does not need to be spent in the company of others but there need to be more moments in the company of each other.

Again COMMUNICATE to each other about MONEY MATTERS when they arise, there is nothing shameful about it. It shows a growth and a degree of trust for both of you. You’re making yourselves vulnerable to each other and willing to put it aside to upfront with each other to discuss something important to you. While he conversation may not always turn out the way you want it to, at least it’s out in the open now.

Communicate.Support.Share.Balance.Create.Love

Intellectual, Financial, & Recreational Intimacy

These are pretty much self explanatory but i’ll delve into each for a bit.

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Intellectual Intimacy speaks of how your minds connect. Do your conversations hold weight? Are you taking in each others opinions? Are you making yourself aware of where you both stand on certain topics? First and foremost….

  • Are you listening to each other?
  • Are you leaving yourselves open to discussion?
  • Are you making your relationship a safe space to talk?

I can honestly say that this is not an issue for hubby and I, like I’ve said before we speak about anything ad everything. Our relationship os founded on communication before anything else. If we cannot speak about it now then we’ll wait until the other is ready. No one is forced or coerced into speaking before they are ready.You should never feel like you have to talk about something before you’re ready. you should want and feel the need to get it off your chest ad then do so.

Financial Intimacy can be anything but money, right? Nope. It’s all about the money. As much as we may try to be rich in other things, money is still needed. Speak with your partner about your financial goals, See what has to be handled individually and what can be handled together. Speak about any debt that needs to be handled at the beginning of your relationship or when it arises when you speak about your financial goals.

Save together. Do money challenges together. Be one another’s accountability partners.

As much as I hate relying on others in terms of money, I’ve learned with hubby, that one of the traits as a PROVIDER that he sees for himself is being able to support us financially. Now I don’t always agree and have to remind him of one of our promises/vows to “share the load” but I can’t always do so due to my own bills and debt I’m handling on my own at home. So he understands but I’ll still argue from time to time when I see its stressing him, especially when we’re saving to buy our future home wherever in the NYC that may be for now.

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Photo Credit: RomanoWealth

 

Recreational Intimacy is a different from of Physical Intimacy. In that it’s how you play together. Its the date nights. Its the walks you talk. Its game nights. Its working out together.

Pretty much how you have fun and spend time together.

So we can all say that recreational intimacy is not much of a problem for any of us. LOL

But if you get stuck into a routine… don’t fret, there are always things you can do to spice things up.. Take a coking class together, take dance classes, do a Paint-n-Sip, go wine tasting, head to a bookstore, go to a new museum exhibit, take a spa day, take a few sex education workshops (trust me they’re fun!), or visit one of the stores and examine new toys, outfits, games.

I did this with hubby, we didn’t walk out with anything more than a few ideas for when we really want to spice things up. Which is always.

Try some things out or examine what you already do with your other have and see what areas can be worked on. Trust me no relationship is perfect and as okay as you may think things are your partner can feel differently.

So again, COMMUNICATE!!!

All the advice, tips, or whatever you get means nothing if you don’t talk to your partner. Before you go spreading your problems to the world, respect your partner enough to speak to them first.

Love. Respect. Trust. Care. Support. Communicate

 

 

 

Happiness Jar

There are some things on social media that are just awesome. Especially on Pinterest!

Last year, I stumbled across a post about Happiness Jars.

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Happiness Jars are basically mason jars or empty containers where you write on little slips of paper something that made you happy that day, all year long.

Sounds like work right.

But it’s actually really fun.

To make it even more fun, make a Happiness Jar with your partner. At the end of the year you’ll be surprised to see that all the things you think they didn’t notice, actually was, and it made them happy.

You don’t even have to wait for the end of the year, use it as a way to celebrate what you to have built together. Use it as a pick me up when you or your partner is feeling down. Use it as a reminder of why you love each other.

Use it for love and laughs.

I started on one for a few months, lost it, found it again, and shared it with hubby. He really liked to reminisce with me about the moments we shared. He also liked that I took the time to write out the special moments as happy moments, since we had them together.

This can be another way to share with your partner how much you appreciate them.

Create. Share. Appreciate. Support. Communicate. Love

I Appreciate…

Browsing through Instagram earlier, I came across a post of another couple celebrating their anniversary. She posted a photo but in the caption she went through all the things she appreciated about her partner. How he pushed her, how he helped her, the little intimate things he does.

It made me smile.

It also made me remember a conversation I had with 2 of my very good friends about why i chose hubby, how did I know that he was the one for me…

and I told them..

I think about him more than I think about myself at times. He is on my mind from morning til night. I love that he calls me his wife, his queen, his best friend, Mrs. Nimmons. I can have conversations with him about anything and everything. I can be myself around him without feeling self conscious, he’ll just laugh and shake his head or go along with my shenanigans. I enjoy walking down the street and holding his hand. I appreciate that he never lets me cross the street without holding onto him. No matter how frustrated he gets, I know that I can calm him down with just a simple touch. He took care of me when I had the flu (like wrapped me up, kept changing my cold compress, made sure I took my meds and stay hydrated) while my family was on vaca. I love when he kisses my forehead when we cuddle. I love when he snuggles into me like a big baby and tangles our legs together. I love that no matter what i can count on him to find a way under my shirt to rub on my right hip. I love him for how he took care of me when I lost my brother. I love that I can come to him in the middle of day having a breakdown and he’ll just open his arms and wipe my tears. I love when he called my nieces, OUR nieces because my family is his family now. I love that he pushes me as much as I push him. I love him and I appreciate him.

I also appreciate that we take the time to tell each other a few of things just about everyday. We don’t wait for holidays or birthdays to tell each other how much we love each other.

No one day is greater than the other to express how we feel.

Whether its a long text, a handwritten note, or a long email. Express yourself. Shower your partner in your declarations as often as possible. Let them know that you notice what they’re doing for you, what they do for the both of you, and how much you appreciate and love them for it.

Telling hubby these things are my normal, they’re a part of my everyday. Or almost everyday. Start on making it a part of yours if you haven’t already.

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Say this and watch their smile!

Appreciate. Communicate. Support. Love

Vacation, Anniversaries, Celebrations

Hello lovelies,

Hope you all had an amazing Christmas. For those of you celebrating Kwanzaa (Nia!)

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From my family to yours, Happy Holidays ❤

Back to business, Hubby and I’s anniversary is coming up 2 years on New Years (seems so much longer but yea it’s only been 2 years since we made things official, 4 years since our 1st date, and 5 months since he proposed)

You know what that means, time to celebrate our love with a little getaway!!!

Now if you’re like me you like to plan things out early. At least get the gist of how, where, and when:

  • Where are you going?
  • How you gonna get there? How are we paying for it?
  • When are we going?

So we started thinking things out in mid-November. I had a nice hotel picked out, looked at things to do in the area, a car within our budget and of course the price was doable with the dates we wanted. Sent it to hubby… He said he would look it over…….

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Of course he didn’t, so we had to look for things last minute. And everywhere was obviously booked for New Years. Car price was tripled, costing more than our room. And I was annoyed when during our search he pulled up the same hotel.

Really love? Really?

Any who, of course we found something, nothing extravagant, or really like our other vacations. But it will give us more US time since that is really what we need. Just a chance to be with each other no interruptions. Our quality time.

All in all, the moral of this post is: PLAN IN ADVANCE, LISTEN TO YOUR OTHER HALF’S IDEAS, AND LAST MINUTE IS FRUSTRATING!

Connect, Communicate, Support, Love.

Holidays, Family, Friends and Love

The holidays can be a tough time on relationships. Or not. It all depends on the couple.

What hubby and I like to do during the holidays is take the time to visit each others families if available. At times it can be tough for me, I don’t drive and my house is the place to be for all family gatherings whether it’s family coming in or friends of family. As this is a year where we are celebrating after the loss of my brother, the addition of his daughter ,and also my other brothers daughter (I am the oldest of 5, with my younger siblings all boys). Its going to be an interesting time.

Family politics and all. Joy.

Back to hubby and I’s holiday partakings. He usually stops by on the way to see Grandma spends a few hours there since she’s a few blocks away and his dad is there, comes by me for an hour or so, and then we’re off to spend the rest of the evening with his family. Simple enough right.

Well yea, its a good plan. Just remember life loves to throw curveballs.

Last yea for thanksgiving, he invited me to Thanksgiving by him. He was gonna pic me up on the way in the evening and again stop by say hi to the fam, get in the family picture. all that good stuff. but he wasn’t feeling well so that put a dent in that plan. He did eventually end up being badgered into going, i just wasn’t with him. And that turned into his family thinking we broke up. I thought it was hilarious. This year again he didn’t stay long. With good reason, he had to drive to Jersey from Queens, understandable but again missed the picture lol.

All in all, I’m just saying it’s good to have a plan for the holidays. Whose house are you going to first, the easiest way to travel, joint gifts, time management. It might seem like nothing but it makes it a bit more enjoyable knowing that you’re not stressing yourself out and worrying that you’re leaving someone out during the festivities.

Game plans are necessary for stress free celebrations even with hiccups that may come your way. Plan , or at least try to plan, for the unexpected.

Communicate. Support. Celebrate. Love