Loves Notes with My Hubby

I love my future husband. He is an amazing individual with compassion, drive, focus, warmth, love, intellect, vulnerability, passion. He loves me more than I love him and I acknowledge and accept it.

I tell him this almost everyday.

Here are some messages we share with one another:

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This is our everyday. Just sharing how much we love and cherish each other, how much we love our gravity and communication, how in awe we are that years later we still have a great thing going and growing.

This is a real relationship goal.

And yes work is put in to it everyday, but we make our relationship worth fighting for.

Write your loved one a note and share how you feel, sometimes the best expression is a simple, hand written “I love you”

Enjoy.

 

5 Love Languages

A great way to learn how to talk to your partner or just to learn the semantics behind their thoughts and actions concerning your relationship and their relationship with others…. is to learn their love language.

How do they express themselves towards you and others? How do they feel is the best way to receive love from others?

Learning their love language is a great tool in stopping many arguments based on quality time and physical touch; words of affirmation and acts of service or receiving gifts.

Take the the quiz here to find out the love language for your partner

Also The 5 Love Languagestake time to read the book to get a more in depth understanding of your love language and your pThe 5 Love Languages for Menartners love language. Also for the MEN out there, there is a love language book for you too ( I think i’ll get hubby a copy!)

Luckily hubby and I have similar love languages. Quality time is huge for both of us since we currently live apart at the moment. While physical touch follows closely behind.

Physical touch is a need for us.

With only getting time to be physically intimate on some weekends due to our schedules, just being able to sit and hold hands or rub/caress each other becomes important. To us touch is just about everything. Its calming. Brings a new breath into our lives before spending another hectic week apart. Being able to hold onto each other in a hug or a cuddle is relaxing. I’ll find myself just trailing my fingers along his skin, almost in a trance, and he just sits there with his eyes closed, body slowly unwinding from all the tension of work and working out. A kiss on the forehead when i catch his eye. He’ll play with my fingers, kiss them.

And we’ll be happy in that moment.

Don’t get me wrong I’m all for words of affirmation but it took me awhile to get to that point of receiving compliments and praise and hearing how much he loves me. I wasn’t used to it. Having never gotten it in the way that he does it before. I was so bashful and amazed that he could express himself so freely around me while it took me weeks to realize that I could tell him i loved him too. After analyzing and over-analyzing my feelings for him. Also had to write it out. And that’s where we differ. His words of affirmation are verbal while mine are written. But we interchange accordingly.

Acts of service is something that we both work on as we grow. To offer help as the other needs it. To take up chores while the other is tired or stressing. To divide tasks to get things done more quickly. To go with your partner for a walk while they clear their head. To keep them motivated while they strive for their goals. Make coffee/tea snack while their work hard on a project. Be silent while they vent. Get tissue for tears. Cheer them on while they workout. Its all there.

Receiving gifts is not a big language for us. Though it is nice to get something, its more of something that we need more than something we want. For example hubby went to Uniqlo to pick up some new sweats and T’s and I’ve been meaning to go pick up their heat tech leggings for the winter. He called and asked if I wanted him to pick up anything while he was there so i asked him for the leggings and socks. Simple. Another example was our first Christmas together, before we started dating actually, and we exchanged gifts. He got me a book I’ve been looking for and I got him a flask with a set of 4 shot glasses and a funnel.  Honestly, our only Christmas of exchanging gifts. not that we haven’t asked each other but we don’t feel the need to get anything because we just want to be able to spend time together (our biggest love language is quality time).

What are you and your partners love languages? How do you keep that feeling alive in your relationship?

Think about.

Basics: Communication

My first three posts were all about communication because its important and I believe that it is the basis of a good relationship.

I believe it is the key to everything.

While actions speak louder than words at times, it is still better to talk things through because some actions might not always be what we think they are.

Most of us would not have made it this far into our relationships with actions alone. While words can hurt, they can also be revealing and truthful.  Be honest with yourself and your partner. Let them know what’s on your mind, how you feel, and how they’re making you feel.

Saying it is just as important as showing it.

While its not always easy to voice things out give yourself time to think about what you want to say, how you want to say it and when. The ‘when’ can be tricky though. It took me a good week or two to tell my fiance that I thought about suicide once when I got sick. The pain was that great those first two days that I just wanted it to end. I didn’t but still it crossed my mind.

While I didn’t HAVE to say anything to him, I NEEDED to and I WANTED to because we share everything with each other, there are no real secrets, just things in our past that are irrelevant to our future. We think we know each other better than others but we still have a lot to LEARN about each other.

I’m not afraid or ashamed to admit that.

I know that conversations won’t always be easy. Hell it took me a week to admit my feelings to myself after he told me he was falling in love with me… then another week to be able to say it out loud and to his face.

Communication takes time. The ease of it takes time. And time is something that you two will have before you take that big leap. Or at least to consider in your relationship now.

As terrifying as it is to speak up its okay once I know we have the same fears or he reassures me that he has my back and we’ll make it through together.

But talking out loud doesn’t work for everyone. Sometimes writing gets the job done better. That’s fine. You can create a communication book where everything you need to say can be written down. Trade it with your partner. Let them inside your head. Let he/she respond. Go back and forth until it becomes tiresome and all you wanna do is talk it out cause your hands are cramping and you’re developing carpal tunnel, LOL.

Either way you’re “talking” to each other.

And that’s the start.

Cuddle Conversations

Honestly these are the best kind of talks there is.

Why?… because, your vulnerable in your partners arms or space and ready to share whats on your mind.

I love these moments because they make my heart swell and burst with more love for my other half that I thought I had. These moments take my breath away because we share our feelings. We don’t shy away from them.

Mind you hubby didn’t know how to cuddle when we first started dating.

No, I’m being serious.

We were on our 2nd or 3rd date or something like that, out by the John Finley Walk in NYC (I’m a Queens, NY girl btw) curled up on each other and he asks me, “What is cuddling?”

I kid you not I looked at him funny and said “We’re cuddling right now”. He has his arm around my shoulders, my legs are on top of his, and my head is on his shoulder with my arm draped across his lap. We were cozy and cuddling and he didn’t know it. Smh.

Sad but its okay, our relationship consisted of a lot of first with each other.

But back to these cuddle conversations.

They are raw and revealing, honest and truthful. Our conversations usually consist of “Wow, when we first started this I never thought it would get this far” ” I’m blessed/grateful to have you in my life” “You mean the wold to me and I’m never letting you go” “You have my heart forever and always

pillowtalk

Awwwwwww…. I can’t wait for our next session.

These conversations are eye opening. Especially after great sex. Oooh taboo topic. She’s talking about sex, OMG this is great….. LOL

I know, I’m a clown. But great sex, makes for great cuddling, and great conversations.

If you can catch your breath or stay awake long enough to have those sessions! No lie it did happen a few times where hubby got me good and I just curled up into myself and knocked out for a bit.

TMI, oh well, grow up. Sex is not a taboo topic but society made it one. Why is it wrong to talk about something you enjoy when big business make so much money off it too?

Anywho, talk after sex, grab your other half in your arms, get some great skin to skin contact going, caress them, play in their hair, look into their eyes and say…….That was fucking awesome, I love you!!!! (he he he)

Not but after, just say “I love how you did this or that ” Or even “you’ve gotten better at ___” (cause my cowgirl/reverse cowgirl is on point now!) .

No really, i’ll be serious now!  Just say, I’m still in awe of the things to do to me and how you make me feel. If they want to explain. Then explain.

They will take what you say to heart as long as it’s from your heart.

Again, cuddle, talk, reveal yourself to your partner. They’ll appreciate your openness and you will get them to open up more to you as well.

We Need to Talk: Glows and Grows

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Dun, Dun, Duuuuuuun!!!!!

Kind of dread those words from time to time. But its not always a bad thing.

Sometimes it means that things have been building up and before we get to a tipping point, a REAL conversation needs to be had.

Other times, well, shits about to get real.

I kid you not, when hubby says “Babe, I need to talk to you” I’m on my way into full panic mode before he says it’s nothing serious. Usually, he just wants to confirm (or cancel… that jerk) plans or something is going on with him that he needs to get off his chest.

OK. Cool. Phew!

However, how to do you usually start this serious kind of conversation off with your partner? How do you do it and not scare or worry them in the process?

 

I say to get their attention then start off with “Babe, we need to talk about some things” or “love, can I talk to you?” The pet name draws them in, the rest lets them know that its a real conversation. Follow up with “it’s nothing serious” or “I have some things that I need to get off my chest” or “I just want to talk about us” are some ways to ease them in what you have to say, whether good or bad.

Or simply put, you can tell them “I think there’s some things we need to work on for our relationship to reach the next level” (whatever that means for you)

At work we call these Glows and Grows. Glows are things we’re good at or we’ve done well. Grows are thing that we need to work on.

For instance with hubby and I, our Glow is that we talk things through, we examine all aspects of what we want and how we want to do it. Our Grow, is to work on our financials to get everything we want done, done. We can talk all we want but we have to make the moves to go along with it. And its also a Grow for myself because I suck at budgeting and saving money. It’s my one major flaw.

So the take home for this is a really another communication tool with your partner. What are the glows and grows of your relationship? What is the best thing you have going and what do you need to work on for you to be that great couple? Mind you these glows and grows will change over time, its up to you to sit down and talk about it again and again. It just shows that you’re trying each and every time to work on your relationship.

Let’s face it divorce is just as common nowadays as is marriage. We don’t need another Kardashian marriage lasting 72 days, we need that old time 50s, 60s kind of love lasting 40, 50,  or even 60 years.

Work on fixing your problems together, not cover them up with fake smiles and false happiness.

Talk. Communicate. Converse. Parlay. Love.

Communicate With Your Other Half

Its October 12, 2016 and its been a little over 2 months since my fiance asked me to marry him.

Correction it has been a little over 2 month since he gave me the ring to the go with the proposal he did 3 times over the last, lets call it 2 years

That’s right hubby proposed 3 times without the ring and each time I said yes.

Why?

Because I am marrying the man, NOT the ring.

Last time I checked, the answer to a simple yes or no question was more important than what he was going to slide onto my finger.

It was never about the ring and I could still marry him in the future without ever receiving a wedding ring either. While it is nice to have a ring. I’m perfectly fine without one.

And not many woman can say that. Am i judging, absolutely not but priorities need to get in order when marriage comes into play.

You are agreeing to spend the rest of your life with someone. You need to be sure that saying yes, with or without the ring, is what you’re up for.

Marriage is hard work and many tough decisions. While we can get caught up in the romance of it all we need to remember that being married means being co-dependent. Its not just YOU anymore it’s WE and US.

You don’t need to lose the identity you had while you were single or in a boyfriend/girlfriend relationship, but you do need to adapt to a married mindset. If you go into your marriage without discussing trivial things like alternating cooking nights, which bank you guys will have your mutual funds in for bills and such, where you want to move in the future, whose family to visit on which holidays.. Little things like that then you’re setting yourself up for failure before you begin.

Luckily, my fiance and I like to be prepared on all fronts in terms of what we are doing and what we want for us.

We are taking baby steps into our marriage. We are taking the time to discuss each and every aspect of what we want for our marriage. Hell we even discussed how potential fights are gonna go. (Lots of sock wars are coming up in the future!)

We don’t want to lose sight of everything that we’ve built in our foundation. We took the time to get to know each other as friends and that was the best start for us. And we want to keep that friendship going into our marriage.

So far we’ve done a pretty awesome job.

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Fiance and I

In closing, I just want to say to all you wonderful human beings out there, in the early throes of your engagement, take the time to talk things out with your partner. Every single thing, every fear, every hope, every idea you have for your marriage.

It won’t hurt to communicate.

Communication about everything is the key to it all of your happiness. You cannot be scared to talk to your partner. You need to be able to talk about anything, it shouldn’t feel like pulling teeth. Trust me, if it feels like that, then it’s not worth it.

Any who, talk to your other half, your significant other, your king, your queen, and see where their head is at or even yours.