A great way to learn how to talk to your partner or just to learn the semantics behind their thoughts and actions concerning your relationship and their relationship with others…. is to learn their love language.
How do they express themselves towards you and others? How do they feel is the best way to receive love from others?
Learning their love language is a great tool in stopping many arguments based on quality time and physical touch; words of affirmation and acts of service or receiving gifts.
Take the the quiz here to find out the love language for your partner
Also take time to read the book to get a more in depth understanding of your love language and your partners love language. Also for the MEN out there, there is a love language book for you too ( I think i’ll get hubby a copy!)
Physical touch is a need for us.
With only getting time to be physically intimate on some weekends due to our schedules, just being able to sit and hold hands or rub/caress each other becomes important. To us touch is just about everything. Its calming. Brings a new breath into our lives before spending another hectic week apart. Being able to hold onto each other in a hug or a cuddle is relaxing. I’ll find myself just trailing my fingers along his skin, almost in a trance, and he just sits there with his eyes closed, body slowly unwinding from all the tension of work and working out. A kiss on the forehead when i catch his eye. He’ll play with my fingers, kiss them.
And we’ll be happy in that moment.
Don’t get me wrong I’m all for words of affirmation but it took me awhile to get to that point of receiving compliments and praise and hearing how much he loves me. I wasn’t used to it. Having never gotten it in the way that he does it before. I was so bashful and amazed that he could express himself so freely around me while it took me weeks to realize that I could tell him i loved him too. After analyzing and over-analyzing my feelings for him. Also had to write it out. And that’s where we differ. His words of affirmation are verbal while mine are written. But we interchange accordingly.
Acts of service is something that we both work on as we grow. To offer help as the other needs it. To take up chores while the other is tired or stressing. To divide tasks to get things done more quickly. To go with your partner for a walk while they clear their head. To keep them motivated while they strive for their goals. Make coffee/tea snack while their work hard on a project. Be silent while they vent. Get tissue for tears. Cheer them on while they workout. Its all there.
Receiving gifts is not a big language for us. Though it is nice to get something, its more of something that we need more than something we want. For example hubby went to Uniqlo to pick up some new sweats and T’s and I’ve been meaning to go pick up their heat tech leggings for the winter. He called and asked if I wanted him to pick up anything while he was there so i asked him for the leggings and socks. Simple. Another example was our first Christmas together, before we started dating actually, and we exchanged gifts. He got me a book I’ve been looking for and I got him a flask with a set of 4 shot glasses and a funnel. Honestly, our only Christmas of exchanging gifts. not that we haven’t asked each other but we don’t feel the need to get anything because we just want to be able to spend time together (our biggest love language is quality time).
What are you and your partners love languages? How do you keep that feeling alive in your relationship?