Breathe Life Into Your Relationship

It’s easy to fall into a routine with your significant other. It’s easy to get used to doing the same things over and over again. It’s easy to stop trying.

In light of the Easter holiday, here are a few simple tips to revitalize and renew your relationship:

  1. Remember the little things: Grand gestures are great but it’s the little things that are remembered more often. The many different ways to show your love, appreciation and affection are one. Listening and showing that their voice was heard is another.. you hear complaints and ailments often do something to alleviate that pressure or tension very once in a while to show that they are not alone. But don’t take over completely and make them feel as if they are incapable or their efforts are not even warranted or acknowledged any more. Its shows how much you pay attention and also shows how much you support one another.
  2. Take a trip: It doesn’t have to be somewhere far. It can even be a stay-cation in your very own city/town. But make it special, rent out on AirBnB, a bed and breakfast, a little hotel. Treat yourself as tourists and try something different. Got an artsy soul, go to a museum, see the new exhibits, find a new gallery opening, go to a new play or see an old favorite. Into music, I’m sure there are plenty of concerts or live band showings that you can find.
  3. Try something new: I’m all for spontaneity and trying out new things and lucky enough hubby goes along with my whims. Each venture is an adventure that creates memories that we can share with family and friends and eventually our kids in the future (should we get that blessed).
  4. Scrapbook it out: All I can say is keep the little things close to you, build a scrapbook and look back on how your story unfolded and grew into what it is today. I’ve learned from my brother and my mom to take as many pictures as often as you can. Sometimes, looking back on memories alone can become hazy but having something more concrete to look at can fill in the blanks.
  5. Bonding Rituals: I’ve learned the importance of having rituals in a relationship, whether it’s having a set day aside each week or month where its just the two of you alone (date night), or making each others favorite morning drink, making Sunday breakfast together, going for a morning walk together, making a certain time of the day your mediation time, or making a happiness jar and reading a few things out of it at the end of each month, etc.. It is up to you and your partner to find the rituals that work for you.
  6. Let it go: It’s inevitable that you and your partner will not always get along on everything. There will be disagreements, there will be escalation… but there has to be forgiveness and acceptance if you two want the keep up with forever together. Just ask yourself, “is it worth it?” ” Can you find a common ground?” Holding on to grudges and the stress that comes with it will create a rift in your foundation and tear that everything you’ve built the longer you two hold on to it. Relationships are about compromise, compassion, honesty, and trust. Sometimes you simply have to let the pieces fall where they may.

Set goals in breathing life into your relationship. Try to make it better than it was before you felt the need to rekindle the spark aflame. You think your spouse needs more support then support them. The relationship feels likes its in a rut then try something new. Getting drained in your everyday life then find time to get away and recharge yourselves. Don’t feel like I love you is enough, express this to your partner in a different way (make a card, create a spa day at home, get a coupes massage, try out a new body oil, a new cologne/perfume) tell them you appreciate them, remind them why you fell in love with them in the first place, what makes you fall in love with them now.

There are many opportunities out there, you just have to be willing to give it a shot

Bonding Rituals

In reading “The Spirit of Intimacy” there is a lot of talk of rituals that bind the spirits of the individuals to others, whether its their partner, their family, or their community. These rituals can bring the couple closer by giving them a ‘sacred space’ in which they can connect to each other. While the rituals talked about in the book are lost here in the modernized world there are some rituals that we engage in everyday with out partners

screenshot-2017-03-02-at-9-18-42-pmA simple morning ritual can be “I love you. I hope you have a great day hun”just as an afternoon ritual can be “How was your day?” ..  these can be done everyday showing interest in your partner’s well-being as much as your own. Hubby and I definitely try to get this done everyday.

Another kind of ritual is kissing every time you see each other. If I’m going to see hubby before anything else, I  have to give him his kiss first or vice versa, he’ll visit me and give me a kiss before saying hi to anyone else. Its the same with leaving, we always depart with a kiss.

Bonding can be done in nature, in cuddle sessions, in working out together, the random date nights or game nights

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The relationship rituals are whatever works for you. Its the little things that you’ve been doing all along, the goals you’ve set for yourselves, the bar or restaurant you frequent, the bench in the park you always sit at, the way you cuddle up at nighttime, the way you cook together on the weekends, the kisses your partner gives you before they get out of bed, etc…

Al of these tings brings you closer and leave an impression on your heart for a lifetime. Its all the little things that keep you falling more in love with them everyday…

Connect. Support. Build. Grow. Together. Love

Celebrate Everyday

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With Valentine’s Day coming up tomorrow, I just want to remind you of one thing – Don’t let Valentine’s Day be the sole definer of the year for your grand gesture of love, let everyday be a day to remind your partner how much you love them exponentially.

Here’s some advice (pending on what your partner wants):

  • Even if YOU don’t particularly like celebrating Valentine’s Day (or any other holiday for that matter) listen to what your partner wants. It is not just you in the relationship. Never let your partner feel like you’re not paying attention to what they want
  • Jewelry, chocolate, and flowers are not for everyone! Don’t fall in to that stereotype. Again talk to your partner to find out what they want. You never know if a quiet evening alone with just the two of you is all they need.
  • Extravagance and expensive is not always the best bet. I can honestly say that hubby has gotten home made cards from me these past 3 years and he loves everyone of them (besides our every day love notes). A gift can be just some of your time, an acknowledgment of certain achievements or milestones, a book, a new lingerie that YOU picked out to make her feel sexy, a favorite something, etc
  • Valentine’s day can also be a time to try something new – new date night ideas, new things in the bedroom, go on an adventure… just something you haven’t done before but its made its way onto your list as things to try.

These are just some things I thought of. Not necessarily any one thing special. But… it all comes down to communication, discuss plans, suck it up and celebrate to make them happy even if its something small (stay at home cuddle session or sensual massage or read some of the strips in your happiness jar ::hint hint::).

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day.

But remember, show your love everyday!

Love.Support.Communicacte.Celebrate

 

Balancing Money Matters

 

Being in a relationship with a mindset that you have to do everything on your own and not depend on others to do it for you can take a while to break. Trust me I know. It took a while for me to get used to hubby paying for our nights out most of the time since I was in the mindset that I could pay for myself or he doesn’t have to pay for everything. It took me some time to understand that it was what he saw himself doing for me, for us. He wanted to show that he can provide for us. That he was able to do it. That he was the ‘man’. He KNEW that I could do it but wanted me to not have to.

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Photo Credit: Your Money Matters

 

With society wanting us to be ‘independent women’ relying on no one for anything its hard to take that step back and let someone take care of us. For men with society telling them they need to be the ‘providers’ in the relationship in all aspects, again its hard for them to take that step back from time-to-time and let the women take the lead without feeling like they’re losing their masculinity.

Being in a relationship means that there need to be a balance communicated between the two of you whether it’s with money or anything else that you feel needs to be taken care of. Talking to each other helps. Don’t let frustrations build up to the last minute and then there is a huge rift formed between you too by keeping things at bay for a long time.

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While I may get frustrated with my lack of money to put towards the goals we have together (buying a home), I have to understand my limitations as well. Always recognize your limitations as well as you can, it gives you room to accept and grow beyond them within your means.

My coworker and her Beau had a similar occurrence where MONEY MATTERS disturbed their peace. Again the mindset that he had to provide and pay for everything was overwhelming for HIM, but its not what she was ASKING for. As complicated as people like to think women are, its only because they are not paying attention or really listening. Like most established women she CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF, all she wanted was a bit of his time, his company. She DID NOT ASK for his money, she did not say they needed to go out and do anything, all she wanted was his TIME.
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For someone whose love language is QUALITY TIME, I understand that feeling. I don’t need to go out and spend time with you, I can stay in and spend time with you.

Every moment does not need to be spent in the company of others but there need to be more moments in the company of each other.

Again COMMUNICATE to each other about MONEY MATTERS when they arise, there is nothing shameful about it. It shows a growth and a degree of trust for both of you. You’re making yourselves vulnerable to each other and willing to put it aside to upfront with each other to discuss something important to you. While he conversation may not always turn out the way you want it to, at least it’s out in the open now.

Communicate.Support.Share.Balance.Create.Love

Intellectual, Financial, & Recreational Intimacy

These are pretty much self explanatory but i’ll delve into each for a bit.

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Intellectual Intimacy speaks of how your minds connect. Do your conversations hold weight? Are you taking in each others opinions? Are you making yourself aware of where you both stand on certain topics? First and foremost….

  • Are you listening to each other?
  • Are you leaving yourselves open to discussion?
  • Are you making your relationship a safe space to talk?

I can honestly say that this is not an issue for hubby and I, like I’ve said before we speak about anything ad everything. Our relationship os founded on communication before anything else. If we cannot speak about it now then we’ll wait until the other is ready. No one is forced or coerced into speaking before they are ready.You should never feel like you have to talk about something before you’re ready. you should want and feel the need to get it off your chest ad then do so.

Financial Intimacy can be anything but money, right? Nope. It’s all about the money. As much as we may try to be rich in other things, money is still needed. Speak with your partner about your financial goals, See what has to be handled individually and what can be handled together. Speak about any debt that needs to be handled at the beginning of your relationship or when it arises when you speak about your financial goals.

Save together. Do money challenges together. Be one another’s accountability partners.

As much as I hate relying on others in terms of money, I’ve learned with hubby, that one of the traits as a PROVIDER that he sees for himself is being able to support us financially. Now I don’t always agree and have to remind him of one of our promises/vows to “share the load” but I can’t always do so due to my own bills and debt I’m handling on my own at home. So he understands but I’ll still argue from time to time when I see its stressing him, especially when we’re saving to buy our future home wherever in the NYC that may be for now.

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Photo Credit: RomanoWealth

 

Recreational Intimacy is a different from of Physical Intimacy. In that it’s how you play together. Its the date nights. Its the walks you talk. Its game nights. Its working out together.

Pretty much how you have fun and spend time together.

So we can all say that recreational intimacy is not much of a problem for any of us. LOL

But if you get stuck into a routine… don’t fret, there are always things you can do to spice things up.. Take a coking class together, take dance classes, do a Paint-n-Sip, go wine tasting, head to a bookstore, go to a new museum exhibit, take a spa day, take a few sex education workshops (trust me they’re fun!), or visit one of the stores and examine new toys, outfits, games.

I did this with hubby, we didn’t walk out with anything more than a few ideas for when we really want to spice things up. Which is always.

Try some things out or examine what you already do with your other have and see what areas can be worked on. Trust me no relationship is perfect and as okay as you may think things are your partner can feel differently.

So again, COMMUNICATE!!!

All the advice, tips, or whatever you get means nothing if you don’t talk to your partner. Before you go spreading your problems to the world, respect your partner enough to speak to them first.

Love. Respect. Trust. Care. Support. Communicate

 

 

 

Intimacy Through Touch

After Saturday’s A-MA-ZIIIIING!!!! orgasmic rounds with hubby and i could finally get my breathing under control (after laying there for a bit and practically falling sleep), we cuddled.

Cuddling is and will always be a great time to be affectionate with your partner.

It doesn’t have to lead into anything, nothing has to be said, it simply is a time to enjoy each others presence, enjoying the act that they are there with you.

For us cuddling comes with trailing fingers and soft kisses, our sweet, sensual caresses.

He started at my shoulder and trailed his finger every so slowly and gently down my arm. there was this one spot near the crease in my elbow that was super sensitive and he made sure to pay attention to my trembling body, how my breath hitched, my body clenched, the ways  my back arched to every other place his fingers seemed to draw these response in my really sensitive or shall i say (erogenous zones)

For Example:

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run your and along her/his curves
caress his/her arms 
A massage is always a good way to explore and learn each others bodies
let you moth discover their lines also
dont forget to taste as you go

Bring a new level of sensuality to your relationship.

Try to touch each other every chance you get, even if it’s just holding hands and exploring your partner’s fingers. Thing about how your hands fit with each other. how strong, delicate, rough, smooth, gentle, or firm they are.

I find it therapeutic to caress my partner. Depending on where we are, take home for example, I’ll sit on his lap, on his back, or behind him with his shirt off and simply explore the softness of his skin, the firmness of his muscles, the strength in his arms. I’ll trace the lines of the tattoos on his chest and arms. I’ll place kisses on his soft spots.

I’ll take a bite from time to time because touching him excites me. It empowers me to know that I can have this strong, beautiful man trembling in front of me, I can bring him moments of peace and relaxation all with a simple touch or kiss.

Take time to explore your partner. Take time to look at them, I mean really look at them. Take time to appreciate what you have right next to you all the time.

Take the time to show your affections.

Touch. Caress. Soothe. Appreciate. Communicate. Support. Care. Love

 

**This is a good site that helps describe in more detail how to increase intimacy through touch with your partner: click here

Hugh Prather & Communcation

Hey all, so I’m going through this training recommended by my mom for my job. It’s called Restorative Circles.

Basically, as the name implies, its a circle or group of individuals, that go through a learning/restoring process together by exploring different topics such as community building, feelings, listening, assertiveness, problem solving, diversity, and making differences by a exploring a series of readings and activities together.

Side Note: I am a Paraprofessional ( Teachers aide) for Grades PK-2

Any who, During the training we were given a reading by Hugh Prather, an excerpt from his book Notes to Myself (had to look it up because it was a really good excerpt!)

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This poem resonated so strongly in me what I want to instill in you about communication in a great relationship.

Communication is not just about talking to your partner, it is about connecting in ways that go beyond verbal conversation. We communicate through body language, we communicate in silence, we communicate through our eyes, we communicate through sighs…..

It’s about being naked and vulnerable and open to your partner, you willingness to expose yourself and share yourself with your partner and having them do the same to you.

It’s transcending from separate identities without holding back bits of yourself.

be open.

be willing.

expose yourself to each other.

in truth if you want to build forever, you need to communicate all parts yourself.

that is the best foundation for you to build on.

Communicate. Build. Trust. Support. Care. Love.