Breathe Life Into Your Relationship

It’s easy to fall into a routine with your significant other. It’s easy to get used to doing the same things over and over again. It’s easy to stop trying.

In light of the Easter holiday, here are a few simple tips to revitalize and renew your relationship:

  1. Remember the little things: Grand gestures are great but it’s the little things that are remembered more often. The many different ways to show your love, appreciation and affection are one. Listening and showing that their voice was heard is another.. you hear complaints and ailments often do something to alleviate that pressure or tension very once in a while to show that they are not alone. But don’t take over completely and make them feel as if they are incapable or their efforts are not even warranted or acknowledged any more. Its shows how much you pay attention and also shows how much you support one another.
  2. Take a trip: It doesn’t have to be somewhere far. It can even be a stay-cation in your very own city/town. But make it special, rent out on AirBnB, a bed and breakfast, a little hotel. Treat yourself as tourists and try something different. Got an artsy soul, go to a museum, see the new exhibits, find a new gallery opening, go to a new play or see an old favorite. Into music, I’m sure there are plenty of concerts or live band showings that you can find.
  3. Try something new: I’m all for spontaneity and trying out new things and lucky enough hubby goes along with my whims. Each venture is an adventure that creates memories that we can share with family and friends and eventually our kids in the future (should we get that blessed).
  4. Scrapbook it out: All I can say is keep the little things close to you, build a scrapbook and look back on how your story unfolded and grew into what it is today. I’ve learned from my brother and my mom to take as many pictures as often as you can. Sometimes, looking back on memories alone can become hazy but having something more concrete to look at can fill in the blanks.
  5. Bonding Rituals: I’ve learned the importance of having rituals in a relationship, whether it’s having a set day aside each week or month where its just the two of you alone (date night), or making each others favorite morning drink, making Sunday breakfast together, going for a morning walk together, making a certain time of the day your mediation time, or making a happiness jar and reading a few things out of it at the end of each month, etc.. It is up to you and your partner to find the rituals that work for you.
  6. Let it go: It’s inevitable that you and your partner will not always get along on everything. There will be disagreements, there will be escalation… but there has to be forgiveness and acceptance if you two want the keep up with forever together. Just ask yourself, “is it worth it?” ” Can you find a common ground?” Holding on to grudges and the stress that comes with it will create a rift in your foundation and tear that everything you’ve built the longer you two hold on to it. Relationships are about compromise, compassion, honesty, and trust. Sometimes you simply have to let the pieces fall where they may.

Set goals in breathing life into your relationship. Try to make it better than it was before you felt the need to rekindle the spark aflame. You think your spouse needs more support then support them. The relationship feels likes its in a rut then try something new. Getting drained in your everyday life then find time to get away and recharge yourselves. Don’t feel like I love you is enough, express this to your partner in a different way (make a card, create a spa day at home, get a coupes massage, try out a new body oil, a new cologne/perfume) tell them you appreciate them, remind them why you fell in love with them in the first place, what makes you fall in love with them now.

There are many opportunities out there, you just have to be willing to give it a shot

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New Read: The Spirit of Intimacy

The Spirit of Intimacy: Ancient African Teachings in the Ways of Relationship by Sobonfu Somé

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Following @ALifeBalanced on IG, I came across their post for this book and immediately I had to get it. It just felt right to me. Reading through it (currently on chapter 6 cause another book caught my eye) I realize the importance of the teachings within it so far.

The “spirit” in the book speaks not only of the way we connect to nature but also of the way we ‘speak’ to our ancestors for help in our troubles, for answers, or showing the way, the way we connect to the family and friends within out community, the way we connect with our partners. It’s all about using those resources to have a great functioning relationship, which can be hard with some family members or friends that go against what you are trying to build with your partner. They are not invested in seeing your relationship thrive. This is about not just minimizing your circle but enlarging it as well. Giving yourself your inner circle of close girlfriends/guy-friends who can offer the support and guidance, that your partners male/female friends will offer him without the stint of jealousy lurking behind their words.

It also touches on getting back to communication without technology (kind of hard these days but doable on occasion), falling back to some of the teachings your grandmother, great grandmother put on you when you were younger, realizing the masculine and feminine in us all (that we have strong and weak sides to ourselves and it is NATURAL), that as much as we think we are in this relationship on our own, we’re not, we have a full circle behind us rooting for it to work our in its entirety, we just have to be open and willing to let them help, not just when needed (as in don’t go seeking advice in the aftermath, acknowledge that things could be better and SAY SOMETHING.. read glows and grows if you need an idea on how to start that).

What books do you suggest for relationship advice?

Intellectual, Financial, & Recreational Intimacy

These are pretty much self explanatory but i’ll delve into each for a bit.

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Intellectual Intimacy speaks of how your minds connect. Do your conversations hold weight? Are you taking in each others opinions? Are you making yourself aware of where you both stand on certain topics? First and foremost….

  • Are you listening to each other?
  • Are you leaving yourselves open to discussion?
  • Are you making your relationship a safe space to talk?

I can honestly say that this is not an issue for hubby and I, like I’ve said before we speak about anything ad everything. Our relationship os founded on communication before anything else. If we cannot speak about it now then we’ll wait until the other is ready. No one is forced or coerced into speaking before they are ready.You should never feel like you have to talk about something before you’re ready. you should want and feel the need to get it off your chest ad then do so.

Financial Intimacy can be anything but money, right? Nope. It’s all about the money. As much as we may try to be rich in other things, money is still needed. Speak with your partner about your financial goals, See what has to be handled individually and what can be handled together. Speak about any debt that needs to be handled at the beginning of your relationship or when it arises when you speak about your financial goals.

Save together. Do money challenges together. Be one another’s accountability partners.

As much as I hate relying on others in terms of money, I’ve learned with hubby, that one of the traits as a PROVIDER that he sees for himself is being able to support us financially. Now I don’t always agree and have to remind him of one of our promises/vows to “share the load” but I can’t always do so due to my own bills and debt I’m handling on my own at home. So he understands but I’ll still argue from time to time when I see its stressing him, especially when we’re saving to buy our future home wherever in the NYC that may be for now.

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Photo Credit: RomanoWealth

 

Recreational Intimacy is a different from of Physical Intimacy. In that it’s how you play together. Its the date nights. Its the walks you talk. Its game nights. Its working out together.

Pretty much how you have fun and spend time together.

So we can all say that recreational intimacy is not much of a problem for any of us. LOL

But if you get stuck into a routine… don’t fret, there are always things you can do to spice things up.. Take a coking class together, take dance classes, do a Paint-n-Sip, go wine tasting, head to a bookstore, go to a new museum exhibit, take a spa day, take a few sex education workshops (trust me they’re fun!), or visit one of the stores and examine new toys, outfits, games.

I did this with hubby, we didn’t walk out with anything more than a few ideas for when we really want to spice things up. Which is always.

Try some things out or examine what you already do with your other have and see what areas can be worked on. Trust me no relationship is perfect and as okay as you may think things are your partner can feel differently.

So again, COMMUNICATE!!!

All the advice, tips, or whatever you get means nothing if you don’t talk to your partner. Before you go spreading your problems to the world, respect your partner enough to speak to them first.

Love. Respect. Trust. Care. Support. Communicate

 

 

 

Date Night: Explore

So I was wracking my brain on a good follow through for the last post, intimacy through touch, and I figured some date night ideas on exploring with you partner would be good.

Fun, right!

Get some candles, dim the lights, play your soundtrack that gives you that mellow feel….

Keep in mind:

this kind of intimacy is not sex

it does not have to lead up to sex

you go as far you are comfortable with

also touch can include accessories

exfoliatinggloves.jpg (600×405)Accessories???? Well let’s just say I bought those exfoliating gloves with me on our anniversary getaway and used them during a shower with hubby, it was an experience in itself. I mean being in the shower with one another is awesome. The feel of his soapy hands gliding across my skin, kneading a few muscles here and there, the kisses. The gloves just added a heightened awareness of sensitivities.

Can you say foreplay!

Scarves are a great accessory1eae8d3f3d-flowers-erotic-sensual-sensuel-wow-gotico-PMac2-Rose-daniels-for-me-aaa_large-300x195.jpg (300×195) as well, and you know you have plenty of scarves in the house that would go perfect for a time of exploration. I don’t really need to explain much here, basically your partner is blindfolded either sitting across from you or laying down in front of you. You have the option to straddle or lie/sit next to them. Using fingers, feathers, a rose, or anything you have in mind to use that is soft trace the lines of your partner.

Watch as their breath hitches. Watch as they tremble.

Talk to them. Ask them how they feel.

Take turns.

Sometimes, I like to straddle hubby and look at his face. I trace his eyebrows, his hairline, his jaw, his nose, his lips. I circle his ears and go down to his neck. I caress his cheeks and kiss his eyelids. For me this is relaxing. For me this is an intimate moment for us.

Physical touch can also be a moment of giving your partner a head massage, or playing in their hair in general. Even scratching their beard (I do this often for hubby) and I tell you it’s fun for both.

In that moment of relaxing your partner, you are relaxing as well, you’re both reaching a state of connectivity that will bring you closer to each other than before. Each of these acts are you worshipping in each other, and showing an appreciating in learning each other over and over again.

Trust me, every time I touch hubby it feels like I’m discovering something new and I love it.

Explore. Touch. Caress. Communicate. Love

Intimacy Through Touch

After Saturday’s A-MA-ZIIIIING!!!! orgasmic rounds with hubby and i could finally get my breathing under control (after laying there for a bit and practically falling sleep), we cuddled.

Cuddling is and will always be a great time to be affectionate with your partner.

It doesn’t have to lead into anything, nothing has to be said, it simply is a time to enjoy each others presence, enjoying the act that they are there with you.

For us cuddling comes with trailing fingers and soft kisses, our sweet, sensual caresses.

He started at my shoulder and trailed his finger every so slowly and gently down my arm. there was this one spot near the crease in my elbow that was super sensitive and he made sure to pay attention to my trembling body, how my breath hitched, my body clenched, the ways  my back arched to every other place his fingers seemed to draw these response in my really sensitive or shall i say (erogenous zones)

For Example:

run your hands along her back gif
run your and along her/his curves
caress his/her arms 
A massage is always a good way to explore and learn each others bodies
let you moth discover their lines also
dont forget to taste as you go

Bring a new level of sensuality to your relationship.

Try to touch each other every chance you get, even if it’s just holding hands and exploring your partner’s fingers. Thing about how your hands fit with each other. how strong, delicate, rough, smooth, gentle, or firm they are.

I find it therapeutic to caress my partner. Depending on where we are, take home for example, I’ll sit on his lap, on his back, or behind him with his shirt off and simply explore the softness of his skin, the firmness of his muscles, the strength in his arms. I’ll trace the lines of the tattoos on his chest and arms. I’ll place kisses on his soft spots.

I’ll take a bite from time to time because touching him excites me. It empowers me to know that I can have this strong, beautiful man trembling in front of me, I can bring him moments of peace and relaxation all with a simple touch or kiss.

Take time to explore your partner. Take time to look at them, I mean really look at them. Take time to appreciate what you have right next to you all the time.

Take the time to show your affections.

Touch. Caress. Soothe. Appreciate. Communicate. Support. Care. Love

 

**This is a good site that helps describe in more detail how to increase intimacy through touch with your partner: click here