Breathe Life Into Your Relationship

It’s easy to fall into a routine with your significant other. It’s easy to get used to doing the same things over and over again. It’s easy to stop trying.

In light of the Easter holiday, here are a few simple tips to revitalize and renew your relationship:

  1. Remember the little things: Grand gestures are great but it’s the little things that are remembered more often. The many different ways to show your love, appreciation and affection are one. Listening and showing that their voice was heard is another.. you hear complaints and ailments often do something to alleviate that pressure or tension very once in a while to show that they are not alone. But don’t take over completely and make them feel as if they are incapable or their efforts are not even warranted or acknowledged any more. Its shows how much you pay attention and also shows how much you support one another.
  2. Take a trip: It doesn’t have to be somewhere far. It can even be a stay-cation in your very own city/town. But make it special, rent out on AirBnB, a bed and breakfast, a little hotel. Treat yourself as tourists and try something different. Got an artsy soul, go to a museum, see the new exhibits, find a new gallery opening, go to a new play or see an old favorite. Into music, I’m sure there are plenty of concerts or live band showings that you can find.
  3. Try something new: I’m all for spontaneity and trying out new things and lucky enough hubby goes along with my whims. Each venture is an adventure that creates memories that we can share with family and friends and eventually our kids in the future (should we get that blessed).
  4. Scrapbook it out: All I can say is keep the little things close to you, build a scrapbook and look back on how your story unfolded and grew into what it is today. I’ve learned from my brother and my mom to take as many pictures as often as you can. Sometimes, looking back on memories alone can become hazy but having something more concrete to look at can fill in the blanks.
  5. Bonding Rituals: I’ve learned the importance of having rituals in a relationship, whether it’s having a set day aside each week or month where its just the two of you alone (date night), or making each others favorite morning drink, making Sunday breakfast together, going for a morning walk together, making a certain time of the day your mediation time, or making a happiness jar and reading a few things out of it at the end of each month, etc.. It is up to you and your partner to find the rituals that work for you.
  6. Let it go: It’s inevitable that you and your partner will not always get along on everything. There will be disagreements, there will be escalation… but there has to be forgiveness and acceptance if you two want the keep up with forever together. Just ask yourself, “is it worth it?” ” Can you find a common ground?” Holding on to grudges and the stress that comes with it will create a rift in your foundation and tear that everything you’ve built the longer you two hold on to it. Relationships are about compromise, compassion, honesty, and trust. Sometimes you simply have to let the pieces fall where they may.

Set goals in breathing life into your relationship. Try to make it better than it was before you felt the need to rekindle the spark aflame. You think your spouse needs more support then support them. The relationship feels likes its in a rut then try something new. Getting drained in your everyday life then find time to get away and recharge yourselves. Don’t feel like I love you is enough, express this to your partner in a different way (make a card, create a spa day at home, get a coupes massage, try out a new body oil, a new cologne/perfume) tell them you appreciate them, remind them why you fell in love with them in the first place, what makes you fall in love with them now.

There are many opportunities out there, you just have to be willing to give it a shot

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Bonding Rituals

In reading “The Spirit of Intimacy” there is a lot of talk of rituals that bind the spirits of the individuals to others, whether its their partner, their family, or their community. These rituals can bring the couple closer by giving them a ‘sacred space’ in which they can connect to each other. While the rituals talked about in the book are lost here in the modernized world there are some rituals that we engage in everyday with out partners

screenshot-2017-03-02-at-9-18-42-pmA simple morning ritual can be “I love you. I hope you have a great day hun”just as an afternoon ritual can be “How was your day?” ..  these can be done everyday showing interest in your partner’s well-being as much as your own. Hubby and I definitely try to get this done everyday.

Another kind of ritual is kissing every time you see each other. If I’m going to see hubby before anything else, I  have to give him his kiss first or vice versa, he’ll visit me and give me a kiss before saying hi to anyone else. Its the same with leaving, we always depart with a kiss.

Bonding can be done in nature, in cuddle sessions, in working out together, the random date nights or game nights

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The relationship rituals are whatever works for you. Its the little things that you’ve been doing all along, the goals you’ve set for yourselves, the bar or restaurant you frequent, the bench in the park you always sit at, the way you cuddle up at nighttime, the way you cook together on the weekends, the kisses your partner gives you before they get out of bed, etc…

Al of these tings brings you closer and leave an impression on your heart for a lifetime. Its all the little things that keep you falling more in love with them everyday…

Connect. Support. Build. Grow. Together. Love

Loves Notes with My Hubby

I love my future husband. He is an amazing individual with compassion, drive, focus, warmth, love, intellect, vulnerability, passion. He loves me more than I love him and I acknowledge and accept it.

I tell him this almost everyday.

Here are some messages we share with one another:

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This is our everyday. Just sharing how much we love and cherish each other, how much we love our gravity and communication, how in awe we are that years later we still have a great thing going and growing.

This is a real relationship goal.

And yes work is put in to it everyday, but we make our relationship worth fighting for.

Write your loved one a note and share how you feel, sometimes the best expression is a simple, hand written “I love you”

Enjoy.

 

Celebrate Everyday

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With Valentine’s Day coming up tomorrow, I just want to remind you of one thing – Don’t let Valentine’s Day be the sole definer of the year for your grand gesture of love, let everyday be a day to remind your partner how much you love them exponentially.

Here’s some advice (pending on what your partner wants):

  • Even if YOU don’t particularly like celebrating Valentine’s Day (or any other holiday for that matter) listen to what your partner wants. It is not just you in the relationship. Never let your partner feel like you’re not paying attention to what they want
  • Jewelry, chocolate, and flowers are not for everyone! Don’t fall in to that stereotype. Again talk to your partner to find out what they want. You never know if a quiet evening alone with just the two of you is all they need.
  • Extravagance and expensive is not always the best bet. I can honestly say that hubby has gotten home made cards from me these past 3 years and he loves everyone of them (besides our every day love notes). A gift can be just some of your time, an acknowledgment of certain achievements or milestones, a book, a new lingerie that YOU picked out to make her feel sexy, a favorite something, etc
  • Valentine’s day can also be a time to try something new – new date night ideas, new things in the bedroom, go on an adventure… just something you haven’t done before but its made its way onto your list as things to try.

These are just some things I thought of. Not necessarily any one thing special. But… it all comes down to communication, discuss plans, suck it up and celebrate to make them happy even if its something small (stay at home cuddle session or sensual massage or read some of the strips in your happiness jar ::hint hint::).

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day.

But remember, show your love everyday!

Love.Support.Communicacte.Celebrate

 

Holidays, Family, Friends and Love

The holidays can be a tough time on relationships. Or not. It all depends on the couple.

What hubby and I like to do during the holidays is take the time to visit each others families if available. At times it can be tough for me, I don’t drive and my house is the place to be for all family gatherings whether it’s family coming in or friends of family. As this is a year where we are celebrating after the loss of my brother, the addition of his daughter ,and also my other brothers daughter (I am the oldest of 5, with my younger siblings all boys). Its going to be an interesting time.

Family politics and all. Joy.

Back to hubby and I’s holiday partakings. He usually stops by on the way to see Grandma spends a few hours there since she’s a few blocks away and his dad is there, comes by me for an hour or so, and then we’re off to spend the rest of the evening with his family. Simple enough right.

Well yea, its a good plan. Just remember life loves to throw curveballs.

Last yea for thanksgiving, he invited me to Thanksgiving by him. He was gonna pic me up on the way in the evening and again stop by say hi to the fam, get in the family picture. all that good stuff. but he wasn’t feeling well so that put a dent in that plan. He did eventually end up being badgered into going, i just wasn’t with him. And that turned into his family thinking we broke up. I thought it was hilarious. This year again he didn’t stay long. With good reason, he had to drive to Jersey from Queens, understandable but again missed the picture lol.

All in all, I’m just saying it’s good to have a plan for the holidays. Whose house are you going to first, the easiest way to travel, joint gifts, time management. It might seem like nothing but it makes it a bit more enjoyable knowing that you’re not stressing yourself out and worrying that you’re leaving someone out during the festivities.

Game plans are necessary for stress free celebrations even with hiccups that may come your way. Plan , or at least try to plan, for the unexpected.

Communicate. Support. Celebrate. Love

Basics: Communication

My first three posts were all about communication because its important and I believe that it is the basis of a good relationship.

I believe it is the key to everything.

While actions speak louder than words at times, it is still better to talk things through because some actions might not always be what we think they are.

Most of us would not have made it this far into our relationships with actions alone. While words can hurt, they can also be revealing and truthful.  Be honest with yourself and your partner. Let them know what’s on your mind, how you feel, and how they’re making you feel.

Saying it is just as important as showing it.

While its not always easy to voice things out give yourself time to think about what you want to say, how you want to say it and when. The ‘when’ can be tricky though. It took me a good week or two to tell my fiance that I thought about suicide once when I got sick. The pain was that great those first two days that I just wanted it to end. I didn’t but still it crossed my mind.

While I didn’t HAVE to say anything to him, I NEEDED to and I WANTED to because we share everything with each other, there are no real secrets, just things in our past that are irrelevant to our future. We think we know each other better than others but we still have a lot to LEARN about each other.

I’m not afraid or ashamed to admit that.

I know that conversations won’t always be easy. Hell it took me a week to admit my feelings to myself after he told me he was falling in love with me… then another week to be able to say it out loud and to his face.

Communication takes time. The ease of it takes time. And time is something that you two will have before you take that big leap. Or at least to consider in your relationship now.

As terrifying as it is to speak up its okay once I know we have the same fears or he reassures me that he has my back and we’ll make it through together.

But talking out loud doesn’t work for everyone. Sometimes writing gets the job done better. That’s fine. You can create a communication book where everything you need to say can be written down. Trade it with your partner. Let them inside your head. Let he/she respond. Go back and forth until it becomes tiresome and all you wanna do is talk it out cause your hands are cramping and you’re developing carpal tunnel, LOL.

Either way you’re “talking” to each other.

And that’s the start.

Cuddle Conversations

Honestly these are the best kind of talks there is.

Why?… because, your vulnerable in your partners arms or space and ready to share whats on your mind.

I love these moments because they make my heart swell and burst with more love for my other half that I thought I had. These moments take my breath away because we share our feelings. We don’t shy away from them.

Mind you hubby didn’t know how to cuddle when we first started dating.

No, I’m being serious.

We were on our 2nd or 3rd date or something like that, out by the John Finley Walk in NYC (I’m a Queens, NY girl btw) curled up on each other and he asks me, “What is cuddling?”

I kid you not I looked at him funny and said “We’re cuddling right now”. He has his arm around my shoulders, my legs are on top of his, and my head is on his shoulder with my arm draped across his lap. We were cozy and cuddling and he didn’t know it. Smh.

Sad but its okay, our relationship consisted of a lot of first with each other.

But back to these cuddle conversations.

They are raw and revealing, honest and truthful. Our conversations usually consist of “Wow, when we first started this I never thought it would get this far” ” I’m blessed/grateful to have you in my life” “You mean the wold to me and I’m never letting you go” “You have my heart forever and always

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Awwwwwww…. I can’t wait for our next session.

These conversations are eye opening. Especially after great sex. Oooh taboo topic. She’s talking about sex, OMG this is great….. LOL

I know, I’m a clown. But great sex, makes for great cuddling, and great conversations.

If you can catch your breath or stay awake long enough to have those sessions! No lie it did happen a few times where hubby got me good and I just curled up into myself and knocked out for a bit.

TMI, oh well, grow up. Sex is not a taboo topic but society made it one. Why is it wrong to talk about something you enjoy when big business make so much money off it too?

Anywho, talk after sex, grab your other half in your arms, get some great skin to skin contact going, caress them, play in their hair, look into their eyes and say…….That was fucking awesome, I love you!!!! (he he he)

Not but after, just say “I love how you did this or that ” Or even “you’ve gotten better at ___” (cause my cowgirl/reverse cowgirl is on point now!) .

No really, i’ll be serious now!  Just say, I’m still in awe of the things to do to me and how you make me feel. If they want to explain. Then explain.

They will take what you say to heart as long as it’s from your heart.

Again, cuddle, talk, reveal yourself to your partner. They’ll appreciate your openness and you will get them to open up more to you as well.