Being in a relationship with a mindset that you have to do everything on your own and not depend on others to do it for you can take a while to break. Trust me I know. It took a while for me to get used to hubby paying for our nights out most of the time since I was in the mindset that I could pay for myself or he doesn’t have to pay for everything. It took me some time to understand that it was what he saw himself doing for me, for us. He wanted to show that he can provide for us. That he was able to do it. That he was the ‘man’. He KNEW that I could do it but wanted me to not have to.
With society wanting us to be ‘independent women’ relying on no one for anything its hard to take that step back and let someone take care of us. For men with society telling them they need to be the ‘providers’ in the relationship in all aspects, again its hard for them to take that step back from time-to-time and let the women take the lead without feeling like they’re losing their masculinity.
Being in a relationship means that there need to be a balance communicated between the two of you whether it’s with money or anything else that you feel needs to be taken care of. Talking to each other helps. Don’t let frustrations build up to the last minute and then there is a huge rift formed between you too by keeping things at bay for a long time.
While I may get frustrated with my lack of money to put towards the goals we have together (buying a home), I have to understand my limitations as well. Always recognize your limitations as well as you can, it gives you room to accept and grow beyond them within your means.
My coworker and her Beau had a similar occurrence where MONEY MATTERS disturbed their peace. Again the mindset that he had to provide and pay for everything was overwhelming for HIM, but its not what she was ASKING for. As complicated as people like to think women are, its only because they are not paying attention or really listening. Like most established women she CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF, all she wanted was a bit of his time, his company. She DID NOT ASK for his money, she did not say they needed to go out and do anything, all she wanted was his TIME.
For someone whose love language is QUALITY TIME, I understand that feeling. I don’t need to go out and spend time with you, I can stay in and spend time with you.
Every moment does not need to be spent in the company of others but there need to be more moments in the company of each other.
Again COMMUNICATE to each other about MONEY MATTERS when they arise, there is nothing shameful about it. It shows a growth and a degree of trust for both of you. You’re making yourselves vulnerable to each other and willing to put it aside to upfront with each other to discuss something important to you. While he conversation may not always turn out the way you want it to, at least it’s out in the open now.