Breathe Life Into Your Relationship

It’s easy to fall into a routine with your significant other. It’s easy to get used to doing the same things over and over again. It’s easy to stop trying.

In light of the Easter holiday, here are a few simple tips to revitalize and renew your relationship:

  1. Remember the little things: Grand gestures are great but it’s the little things that are remembered more often. The many different ways to show your love, appreciation and affection are one. Listening and showing that their voice was heard is another.. you hear complaints and ailments often do something to alleviate that pressure or tension very once in a while to show that they are not alone. But don’t take over completely and make them feel as if they are incapable or their efforts are not even warranted or acknowledged any more. Its shows how much you pay attention and also shows how much you support one another.
  2. Take a trip: It doesn’t have to be somewhere far. It can even be a stay-cation in your very own city/town. But make it special, rent out on AirBnB, a bed and breakfast, a little hotel. Treat yourself as tourists and try something different. Got an artsy soul, go to a museum, see the new exhibits, find a new gallery opening, go to a new play or see an old favorite. Into music, I’m sure there are plenty of concerts or live band showings that you can find.
  3. Try something new: I’m all for spontaneity and trying out new things and lucky enough hubby goes along with my whims. Each venture is an adventure that creates memories that we can share with family and friends and eventually our kids in the future (should we get that blessed).
  4. Scrapbook it out: All I can say is keep the little things close to you, build a scrapbook and look back on how your story unfolded and grew into what it is today. I’ve learned from my brother and my mom to take as many pictures as often as you can. Sometimes, looking back on memories alone can become hazy but having something more concrete to look at can fill in the blanks.
  5. Bonding Rituals: I’ve learned the importance of having rituals in a relationship, whether it’s having a set day aside each week or month where its just the two of you alone (date night), or making each others favorite morning drink, making Sunday breakfast together, going for a morning walk together, making a certain time of the day your mediation time, or making a happiness jar and reading a few things out of it at the end of each month, etc.. It is up to you and your partner to find the rituals that work for you.
  6. Let it go: It’s inevitable that you and your partner will not always get along on everything. There will be disagreements, there will be escalation… but there has to be forgiveness and acceptance if you two want the keep up with forever together. Just ask yourself, “is it worth it?” ” Can you find a common ground?” Holding on to grudges and the stress that comes with it will create a rift in your foundation and tear that everything you’ve built the longer you two hold on to it. Relationships are about compromise, compassion, honesty, and trust. Sometimes you simply have to let the pieces fall where they may.

Set goals in breathing life into your relationship. Try to make it better than it was before you felt the need to rekindle the spark aflame. You think your spouse needs more support then support them. The relationship feels likes its in a rut then try something new. Getting drained in your everyday life then find time to get away and recharge yourselves. Don’t feel like I love you is enough, express this to your partner in a different way (make a card, create a spa day at home, get a coupes massage, try out a new body oil, a new cologne/perfume) tell them you appreciate them, remind them why you fell in love with them in the first place, what makes you fall in love with them now.

There are many opportunities out there, you just have to be willing to give it a shot

Bonding Rituals

In reading “The Spirit of Intimacy” there is a lot of talk of rituals that bind the spirits of the individuals to others, whether its their partner, their family, or their community. These rituals can bring the couple closer by giving them a ‘sacred space’ in which they can connect to each other. While the rituals talked about in the book are lost here in the modernized world there are some rituals that we engage in everyday with out partners

screenshot-2017-03-02-at-9-18-42-pmA simple morning ritual can be “I love you. I hope you have a great day hun”just as an afternoon ritual can be “How was your day?” ..  these can be done everyday showing interest in your partner’s well-being as much as your own. Hubby and I definitely try to get this done everyday.

Another kind of ritual is kissing every time you see each other. If I’m going to see hubby before anything else, I  have to give him his kiss first or vice versa, he’ll visit me and give me a kiss before saying hi to anyone else. Its the same with leaving, we always depart with a kiss.

Bonding can be done in nature, in cuddle sessions, in working out together, the random date nights or game nights

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The relationship rituals are whatever works for you. Its the little things that you’ve been doing all along, the goals you’ve set for yourselves, the bar or restaurant you frequent, the bench in the park you always sit at, the way you cuddle up at nighttime, the way you cook together on the weekends, the kisses your partner gives you before they get out of bed, etc…

Al of these tings brings you closer and leave an impression on your heart for a lifetime. Its all the little things that keep you falling more in love with them everyday…

Connect. Support. Build. Grow. Together. Love

Some Self Love Tools

♥Affirmations♥

  • “I cleanse myself of all selfishness, resentment, critical feelings, and self-condemnation. I bathe myself in generosity, appreciation, praise, gratitude, and self-acceptance” – Lidia Frederico
  • “A few steps back means that I have not fallen” JChavae
  • “Today I Affirm: I am confident in my ability to bloom, and I will not stunt my growth with negative self-talk or old bad habits” – Alex Elle
  • “You are worth more than you think, capable of more than you know, and loved more than you can imagine” – Unk.
  • “You are beautiful no matter what they say, words can’t bring you down” – Christina Aguilera

Good Reads

  • Alex Elle – #ANote2Self (self-care journal)
  • Keke Palmer – I Don’t Belong to You
  • Jen Sincero – You Are A Badass
  • Kamal Ravikant – Love Yourself Like Your Life Depends on it
  • Alexis Jones – I am That Girl

Articles

  • Self Care tips from Alex Elle here
  • Self Esteem tips here
  • Self Love tips here

Mirror Exercise

Do this exercise every day however long you need to or whenever you want to (I suggest doing this before you start your day and before you go to bed… just throw yourself right into it or once a day to ease into it)

  • 1.  Stand before a mirror (any size) and just look at yourself, do not linger on one area to look. Just really look at yourself and appreciate that you are whole, you are breathing.

    2. “As you look into your eyes in the mirror, begin to say some good and encouraging things about yourself, tell yourself how strong you’ve been and will continue to be, tell yourself how happy you are about what you’ve already achieved and what you will achieve in the future.” – Dr Joe Rubino

    3. Tell yourself “you are amazing, you are good enough, you are a beautiful and an awesome person”

    4. End by saying to yourself “I love you”

I hope this helps you on your journey in loving yourself more, in loving yourself the way you want your partner to love and appreciate you.

What are some useful tips that you can share from your own self love journey in your relationship?

Intellectual, Financial, & Recreational Intimacy

These are pretty much self explanatory but i’ll delve into each for a bit.

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Intellectual Intimacy speaks of how your minds connect. Do your conversations hold weight? Are you taking in each others opinions? Are you making yourself aware of where you both stand on certain topics? First and foremost….

  • Are you listening to each other?
  • Are you leaving yourselves open to discussion?
  • Are you making your relationship a safe space to talk?

I can honestly say that this is not an issue for hubby and I, like I’ve said before we speak about anything ad everything. Our relationship os founded on communication before anything else. If we cannot speak about it now then we’ll wait until the other is ready. No one is forced or coerced into speaking before they are ready.You should never feel like you have to talk about something before you’re ready. you should want and feel the need to get it off your chest ad then do so.

Financial Intimacy can be anything but money, right? Nope. It’s all about the money. As much as we may try to be rich in other things, money is still needed. Speak with your partner about your financial goals, See what has to be handled individually and what can be handled together. Speak about any debt that needs to be handled at the beginning of your relationship or when it arises when you speak about your financial goals.

Save together. Do money challenges together. Be one another’s accountability partners.

As much as I hate relying on others in terms of money, I’ve learned with hubby, that one of the traits as a PROVIDER that he sees for himself is being able to support us financially. Now I don’t always agree and have to remind him of one of our promises/vows to “share the load” but I can’t always do so due to my own bills and debt I’m handling on my own at home. So he understands but I’ll still argue from time to time when I see its stressing him, especially when we’re saving to buy our future home wherever in the NYC that may be for now.

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Photo Credit: RomanoWealth

 

Recreational Intimacy is a different from of Physical Intimacy. In that it’s how you play together. Its the date nights. Its the walks you talk. Its game nights. Its working out together.

Pretty much how you have fun and spend time together.

So we can all say that recreational intimacy is not much of a problem for any of us. LOL

But if you get stuck into a routine… don’t fret, there are always things you can do to spice things up.. Take a coking class together, take dance classes, do a Paint-n-Sip, go wine tasting, head to a bookstore, go to a new museum exhibit, take a spa day, take a few sex education workshops (trust me they’re fun!), or visit one of the stores and examine new toys, outfits, games.

I did this with hubby, we didn’t walk out with anything more than a few ideas for when we really want to spice things up. Which is always.

Try some things out or examine what you already do with your other have and see what areas can be worked on. Trust me no relationship is perfect and as okay as you may think things are your partner can feel differently.

So again, COMMUNICATE!!!

All the advice, tips, or whatever you get means nothing if you don’t talk to your partner. Before you go spreading your problems to the world, respect your partner enough to speak to them first.

Love. Respect. Trust. Care. Support. Communicate

 

 

 

Date Night: Explore

So I was wracking my brain on a good follow through for the last post, intimacy through touch, and I figured some date night ideas on exploring with you partner would be good.

Fun, right!

Get some candles, dim the lights, play your soundtrack that gives you that mellow feel….

Keep in mind:

this kind of intimacy is not sex

it does not have to lead up to sex

you go as far you are comfortable with

also touch can include accessories

exfoliatinggloves.jpg (600×405)Accessories???? Well let’s just say I bought those exfoliating gloves with me on our anniversary getaway and used them during a shower with hubby, it was an experience in itself. I mean being in the shower with one another is awesome. The feel of his soapy hands gliding across my skin, kneading a few muscles here and there, the kisses. The gloves just added a heightened awareness of sensitivities.

Can you say foreplay!

Scarves are a great accessory1eae8d3f3d-flowers-erotic-sensual-sensuel-wow-gotico-PMac2-Rose-daniels-for-me-aaa_large-300x195.jpg (300×195) as well, and you know you have plenty of scarves in the house that would go perfect for a time of exploration. I don’t really need to explain much here, basically your partner is blindfolded either sitting across from you or laying down in front of you. You have the option to straddle or lie/sit next to them. Using fingers, feathers, a rose, or anything you have in mind to use that is soft trace the lines of your partner.

Watch as their breath hitches. Watch as they tremble.

Talk to them. Ask them how they feel.

Take turns.

Sometimes, I like to straddle hubby and look at his face. I trace his eyebrows, his hairline, his jaw, his nose, his lips. I circle his ears and go down to his neck. I caress his cheeks and kiss his eyelids. For me this is relaxing. For me this is an intimate moment for us.

Physical touch can also be a moment of giving your partner a head massage, or playing in their hair in general. Even scratching their beard (I do this often for hubby) and I tell you it’s fun for both.

In that moment of relaxing your partner, you are relaxing as well, you’re both reaching a state of connectivity that will bring you closer to each other than before. Each of these acts are you worshipping in each other, and showing an appreciating in learning each other over and over again.

Trust me, every time I touch hubby it feels like I’m discovering something new and I love it.

Explore. Touch. Caress. Communicate. Love