Celebrate Everyday

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With Valentine’s Day coming up tomorrow, I just want to remind you of one thing – Don’t let Valentine’s Day be the sole definer of the year for your grand gesture of love, let everyday be a day to remind your partner how much you love them exponentially.

Here’s some advice (pending on what your partner wants):

  • Even if YOU don’t particularly like celebrating Valentine’s Day (or any other holiday for that matter) listen to what your partner wants. It is not just you in the relationship. Never let your partner feel like you’re not paying attention to what they want
  • Jewelry, chocolate, and flowers are not for everyone! Don’t fall in to that stereotype. Again talk to your partner to find out what they want. You never know if a quiet evening alone with just the two of you is all they need.
  • Extravagance and expensive is not always the best bet. I can honestly say that hubby has gotten home made cards from me these past 3 years and he loves everyone of them (besides our every day love notes). A gift can be just some of your time, an acknowledgment of certain achievements or milestones, a book, a new lingerie that YOU picked out to make her feel sexy, a favorite something, etc
  • Valentine’s day can also be a time to try something new – new date night ideas, new things in the bedroom, go on an adventure… just something you haven’t done before but its made its way onto your list as things to try.

These are just some things I thought of. Not necessarily any one thing special. But… it all comes down to communication, discuss plans, suck it up and celebrate to make them happy even if its something small (stay at home cuddle session or sensual massage or read some of the strips in your happiness jar ::hint hint::).

Enjoy your Valentine’s Day.

But remember, show your love everyday!

Love.Support.Communicacte.Celebrate

 

I Appreciate…

Browsing through Instagram earlier, I came across a post of another couple celebrating their anniversary. She posted a photo but in the caption she went through all the things she appreciated about her partner. How he pushed her, how he helped her, the little intimate things he does.

It made me smile.

It also made me remember a conversation I had with 2 of my very good friends about why i chose hubby, how did I know that he was the one for me…

and I told them..

I think about him more than I think about myself at times. He is on my mind from morning til night. I love that he calls me his wife, his queen, his best friend, Mrs. Nimmons. I can have conversations with him about anything and everything. I can be myself around him without feeling self conscious, he’ll just laugh and shake his head or go along with my shenanigans. I enjoy walking down the street and holding his hand. I appreciate that he never lets me cross the street without holding onto him. No matter how frustrated he gets, I know that I can calm him down with just a simple touch. He took care of me when I had the flu (like wrapped me up, kept changing my cold compress, made sure I took my meds and stay hydrated) while my family was on vaca. I love when he kisses my forehead when we cuddle. I love when he snuggles into me like a big baby and tangles our legs together. I love that no matter what i can count on him to find a way under my shirt to rub on my right hip. I love him for how he took care of me when I lost my brother. I love that I can come to him in the middle of day having a breakdown and he’ll just open his arms and wipe my tears. I love when he called my nieces, OUR nieces because my family is his family now. I love that he pushes me as much as I push him. I love him and I appreciate him.

I also appreciate that we take the time to tell each other a few of things just about everyday. We don’t wait for holidays or birthdays to tell each other how much we love each other.

No one day is greater than the other to express how we feel.

Whether its a long text, a handwritten note, or a long email. Express yourself. Shower your partner in your declarations as often as possible. Let them know that you notice what they’re doing for you, what they do for the both of you, and how much you appreciate and love them for it.

Telling hubby these things are my normal, they’re a part of my everyday. Or almost everyday. Start on making it a part of yours if you haven’t already.

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Say this and watch their smile!

Appreciate. Communicate. Support. Love

Holidays & Lost Loved Ones

Safe to say, holidays with loved one missing are not gonna be easy.

I lost one of my younger brothers (the one born right after me) 8 months ago. He passed 2 months before his daughter was born. It’s been real tough on my mom, his girlfriend, his best friends, our uncles.

I didn’t realize how tough it was on me.

My brother and I are a year and 4 months apart. We and our other siblings grew up close together. It was a constant. Us 4 before our youngest sibling came along. We became 5. But still every year was brought in with us being there together whether physically in the same space or not.

To have that constant change has taken its toll on me as the new year approaches.

Yesterday was spent with me mostly in tears because if it. I had to leave home and go to hubby just to cry in the comfort of his arms. Like big boo-hoo, snot all over your chest, got the ugly face, i-don’t-care-who-can-hear-me tears.

He didn’t know what to do. He didn’t know why i was crying. But he just held me close and let me cry all over his naked chest. He kissed my forehead. He told me he loved me and was there for me. He gave me time to collect myself before I could even give the reason for it all.

He has been my rock through it all. I love him so much more for it.

Some days are harder than others. I just don’t understand why my brother was taken so young, before he had the chance to see his beautiful little girl.

I miss my bother.

For those of you that have lost someone too soon, who still feel it years later, my condolences to you. Lean on your partner. Let them hold you. Let them wipe your snot and tears. Let them console you.

Peace. Communicate. Support. Love. Always

Holidays, Family, Friends and Love

The holidays can be a tough time on relationships. Or not. It all depends on the couple.

What hubby and I like to do during the holidays is take the time to visit each others families if available. At times it can be tough for me, I don’t drive and my house is the place to be for all family gatherings whether it’s family coming in or friends of family. As this is a year where we are celebrating after the loss of my brother, the addition of his daughter ,and also my other brothers daughter (I am the oldest of 5, with my younger siblings all boys). Its going to be an interesting time.

Family politics and all. Joy.

Back to hubby and I’s holiday partakings. He usually stops by on the way to see Grandma spends a few hours there since she’s a few blocks away and his dad is there, comes by me for an hour or so, and then we’re off to spend the rest of the evening with his family. Simple enough right.

Well yea, its a good plan. Just remember life loves to throw curveballs.

Last yea for thanksgiving, he invited me to Thanksgiving by him. He was gonna pic me up on the way in the evening and again stop by say hi to the fam, get in the family picture. all that good stuff. but he wasn’t feeling well so that put a dent in that plan. He did eventually end up being badgered into going, i just wasn’t with him. And that turned into his family thinking we broke up. I thought it was hilarious. This year again he didn’t stay long. With good reason, he had to drive to Jersey from Queens, understandable but again missed the picture lol.

All in all, I’m just saying it’s good to have a plan for the holidays. Whose house are you going to first, the easiest way to travel, joint gifts, time management. It might seem like nothing but it makes it a bit more enjoyable knowing that you’re not stressing yourself out and worrying that you’re leaving someone out during the festivities.

Game plans are necessary for stress free celebrations even with hiccups that may come your way. Plan , or at least try to plan, for the unexpected.

Communicate. Support. Celebrate. Love

Give Space

Supporting your partner is a fundamental in a relationship and most of the time you don’t even really have to do much but say “Baby  I got your back” or just physically be there to show that you care. IF you’re really into it then be their biggest cheerleader!

11fca4d533a930c679ae168545d03264.jpg (504×500)Other times you can just be a silent supporter and give them the space they need to clear their head and figure things out on their own. Trust me it’s frustrating when all you want to do is be there for them when you just end up pushing them further into their own problems.

It’s ok to step back and give them breathing room. Not every problem will be solved working together. Sometimes shit needs to be solved individually.

There have been moments when I caught that tone in hubby’s voice that he was shutting down and would be over with the conversation and while it hurts that I’m just trying to help figure out a way to solve the problem and all he’s doing is shutting me out, I get it. I also cant be mad.

Yea, I’ll be off for the rest of the day cause he’s off. But then he’ll call me later and apologize and eventually tell me, ON HIS OWN, what the problem really is. We give each other that kind of respect to our own persons to handle our situations on our own.

  • We don’t push each other to say things before we’re ready.
  • We don’t demand explanations up front.
  • We don’t crowd and overwhelm each other for answers.
  • We know when to back away.
  • We know when a simple hug and kiss or a walk away to clear ones head is needed.
  • We know when not to speak.

I’m lucky that we have that kind of relationship where open communication is important to both of us. And while we may not want to talk about a situation then and there, eventually it will come out.

Really, we can’t hide squat from each other. There really is480966116-i-wont-give-up-lyrics-love-quotes.png (300×375) a 6th sense when something is wrong at times.
This kind of support comes from really knowing your partner, when to push them and not give into their bullshit and when to back away and give them your silent support. It won always come easy sometimes we may go to far but its done in love. Things will work out the way it’s supposed to in the end.

Love. Communicate. Support. Prosper.

Lift Each Other Up

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So did you see the season finale of HBO’s Insecure?

Did you feel the same way as I did that Lawrence just left Issa after telling her he missed her and wanted to finally talk things through?

How upset were you that he ended up with the bank teller?

Nonplussed that he ended up with her right. It was coming in the long term. She was there supporting him when his actual girlfriend Issa was stuck in her own BS, not communicating with him about how she was feeling in their relationship, not motivating him to get up off the couch and do something with his life.

No, he had some other women in his ear boosting his confidence, making him feel good about his decisions, motivating him to do more.

As his partner, Issa should have done the same.

When you’re in a relationship for the long term, things are not always going to be rainbows and butterflies. SHIT HAPPENS. LIFE HAPPENS. It wont always be pretty. It’s also the tough times that help build solid foundations for you both. You know that you are both willing to communicate and fix the issue, rather than sweep it under the rug and let is fester over the years until you can’t take it anymore.

Tough times are learning situations for you both not ammunition for days when you’re angry at each other. Hurting your significant other should never be a goal. Using past mistakes and faults to hurt them is a NO No too.

I just want to stress the importance of being there for your partner. Supporting and encouraging them with whatever it is they are trying to do. For example my fiance loves playing basketball and wants to play overseas. However due to him getting older that window is getting smaller. He even talked about giving up basketball at one point. Knowing how much he loves ball, I wasn’t having it. SO using my feminine wiles (wink wink) I coaxed him back in to plying ball. Not giving up his dream just yet. Now he’s spending hours in the gym (I’m so loving the results… licking his abs is my favorite pass time lol), he’s balling with his cousins, he’s getting a few offers to play elsewhere. And I am happy that his hard work is being recognized.

Trust me there have been some times when I got jealous of that damn Spalding and I felt like I was secondary to basketball but I’m still there supporting him through the frustration of that damn ball. We have talked about it because it has interfered with our time on a few occasions but that is a topic for another day.

While you may not always agree on everything, ITS FINE. You don’t always have to agree on everything. You did not jump into a relationship with your mirror. It’s healthy to have arguments. But still show up. Show that you care. Give a damn about what your significant other is doing.

Don’t push them away and give someone else a chance to take what you two have been working/building on away.

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Communicate. Support. Love each other.