Relationship Goals #1

Hey all!

So sorry for the long absence but life has been a hectic these past few months – work, girls trip out of the country (Belize was magical!), publishing my first poetry book, going back to school for my masters in mental health counseling and maintaining my relationship with my fiance and things on his side.

A major relationship GOAL that I want to stress for all couples is finding a balance between the goals you have for yourself, the goals you have with your partner and all of life’s curve balls. Because trust me some things in life will throw all the plans you’ve made straight out the window and you will have to find the strength and fortitude to keep going on all counts.

I am happy to say that this weekend was a test of my fiance and I’s balance. Happy in that we are still keeping our balance and we find ways to do so.

Let me explain why.

We are still living separately at the moment and still looking for a spot in NYC (if you’re a NYer then you know the struggle completely) and it is both a strength builder for our relationship and our greatest headache. IF you’ve forgotten, QUALITY TIME and PHYSICAL TOUCH are our love language and we can only get that on the weekends. And with our new schedules that itself gets limited to one day or just a few hours at best.  So the buildup of negative energy as the days go by takes a toll on us. I like the think of our spending time together as a recharging of our spiritual batteries for the week until we can see each other again. He thinks of it in similar terms as the calm before the stormy week ( I hate his job. He hates it too). Let me not go too much on a tangent. Back to the happiness at our balance being tested.

I do not mind traveling to see my love. Hearing him stressing out over the amount of work he had to do and the fact that our went from friday to saturday to sunday and the sun was almost gone in the sky and I still hadnn’t seen him. I made up my mind to go from Queens to the Bronx and show up at his door with food. I was not going to

experience starting off the week without seeing him again.

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We had the misfortune of going almost 3 weeks without each other one time and the way our energies was so backed up. We were irritable, withdrawn, angry. I felt so weighed down in my chest, like i was struggling to breathe. I was drowning in my missing him.

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Relationships & Energy

 

When I finally saw him, when I finally had him in my arms, it was like coming back to life after being in seclusion. Everything seemed brighter, my chest lighter. I could breathe easier.

 

So I made that trip and we laughed and we touched and we enjoyed each others company and I got a piece of my fill of him. This piece was just gonna have to tide me over and help keep the balance until next time.

You never know what your partner could be craving from you or starving for in the absence created by work and life and family and friends. Find a balance that suits you both. Be there for each other when the other is struggling to stay a float. Let them know that your in this together.

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How do you find balance in your relationship with your partner?

 

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Balancing Money Matters

 

Being in a relationship with a mindset that you have to do everything on your own and not depend on others to do it for you can take a while to break. Trust me I know. It took a while for me to get used to hubby paying for our nights out most of the time since I was in the mindset that I could pay for myself or he doesn’t have to pay for everything. It took me some time to understand that it was what he saw himself doing for me, for us. He wanted to show that he can provide for us. That he was able to do it. That he was the ‘man’. He KNEW that I could do it but wanted me to not have to.

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Photo Credit: Your Money Matters

 

With society wanting us to be ‘independent women’ relying on no one for anything its hard to take that step back and let someone take care of us. For men with society telling them they need to be the ‘providers’ in the relationship in all aspects, again its hard for them to take that step back from time-to-time and let the women take the lead without feeling like they’re losing their masculinity.

Being in a relationship means that there need to be a balance communicated between the two of you whether it’s with money or anything else that you feel needs to be taken care of. Talking to each other helps. Don’t let frustrations build up to the last minute and then there is a huge rift formed between you too by keeping things at bay for a long time.

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While I may get frustrated with my lack of money to put towards the goals we have together (buying a home), I have to understand my limitations as well. Always recognize your limitations as well as you can, it gives you room to accept and grow beyond them within your means.

My coworker and her Beau had a similar occurrence where MONEY MATTERS disturbed their peace. Again the mindset that he had to provide and pay for everything was overwhelming for HIM, but its not what she was ASKING for. As complicated as people like to think women are, its only because they are not paying attention or really listening. Like most established women she CAN TAKE CARE OF HERSELF, all she wanted was a bit of his time, his company. She DID NOT ASK for his money, she did not say they needed to go out and do anything, all she wanted was his TIME.
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For someone whose love language is QUALITY TIME, I understand that feeling. I don’t need to go out and spend time with you, I can stay in and spend time with you.

Every moment does not need to be spent in the company of others but there need to be more moments in the company of each other.

Again COMMUNICATE to each other about MONEY MATTERS when they arise, there is nothing shameful about it. It shows a growth and a degree of trust for both of you. You’re making yourselves vulnerable to each other and willing to put it aside to upfront with each other to discuss something important to you. While he conversation may not always turn out the way you want it to, at least it’s out in the open now.

Communicate.Support.Share.Balance.Create.Love