Cuddling with hubby on the couch after a short study session (taking the GRE for masters program) and he asks for a kiss.
Of course I give him one!
But then he asks for 3 kisses in all. I ask why 3 and he says..
“One for you, One for me, and One for us.” – G.N.
His reasoning is that there are three of us in this relationship. The two of us as separate individuals and the two of us as a whole. And I wholeheartedly agree with his reasoning.
I always thought of it that way, as in we let each other be individuals in the relationship focusing on getting our own selves together, our individuals goals/hobbies/interests. However,we also focus on bettering ourselves for each other, building each other up, taking apart in each others interest, going from ‘I’ and ‘me’ to ‘we’ and ‘our’.
It’s not as easy as it seems to get into that mindset for some or many. It’s also not easy to lose your sense of self while forming the “we” and “us” and “our”. So the thing that I want you all to remember is that your other half fell in love with you for who you are as an individual, they loved you more for who were together, but its your habits, your ‘you-isms’ that remind them every day of the reasons why they fell in love with you to begin with.
Don’t forget about your self. Don’t let others quiet your voice. If you feel the need to change, then do it for you and no one else. If you’re partner asks why, then say you’re doing it to feel good about yourself. I’m not saying anything drastic like plastic surgery (because God made you beautiful as you are) but a makeover, or wardrobe change, or trying out a new hobby, or going back to school (things like that). If you lost touch with something you once enjoyed , reconnect.
Rediscover who you are, build on who you are.. but also share this with your partner. Don’t leave them out. They are there to support you. Motivate you. Take part in the journey with you. Maybe while trying things out with you they’ll discover something they enjoy as well. Find a new spark or passion for the both of you.
For example: A friend of mine (who’s getting married in the next few months) has alternating date months with her fiance, where they chose something the haven’t done before (dance lessons, cooking lessons, paint night, play, new restaurant, weekend getaway) and just go with it. I love her enthusiasm with it and its always something new and creative.
So its never just you, like hubby said, there’s you, there’s me, and there’s us!
How do you keep your sense of self alive while taking part in your relationship?