Intellectual, Financial, & Recreational Intimacy

These are pretty much self explanatory but i’ll delve into each for a bit.

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Intellectual Intimacy speaks of how your minds connect. Do your conversations hold weight? Are you taking in each others opinions? Are you making yourself aware of where you both stand on certain topics? First and foremost….

  • Are you listening to each other?
  • Are you leaving yourselves open to discussion?
  • Are you making your relationship a safe space to talk?

I can honestly say that this is not an issue for hubby and I, like I’ve said before we speak about anything ad everything. Our relationship os founded on communication before anything else. If we cannot speak about it now then we’ll wait until the other is ready. No one is forced or coerced into speaking before they are ready.You should never feel like you have to talk about something before you’re ready. you should want and feel the need to get it off your chest ad then do so.

Financial Intimacy can be anything but money, right? Nope. It’s all about the money. As much as we may try to be rich in other things, money is still needed. Speak with your partner about your financial goals, See what has to be handled individually and what can be handled together. Speak about any debt that needs to be handled at the beginning of your relationship or when it arises when you speak about your financial goals.

Save together. Do money challenges together. Be one another’s accountability partners.

As much as I hate relying on others in terms of money, I’ve learned with hubby, that one of the traits as a PROVIDER that he sees for himself is being able to support us financially. Now I don’t always agree and have to remind him of one of our promises/vows to “share the load” but I can’t always do so due to my own bills and debt I’m handling on my own at home. So he understands but I’ll still argue from time to time when I see its stressing him, especially when we’re saving to buy our future home wherever in the NYC that may be for now.

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Photo Credit: RomanoWealth

 

Recreational Intimacy is a different from of Physical Intimacy. In that it’s how you play together. Its the date nights. Its the walks you talk. Its game nights. Its working out together.

Pretty much how you have fun and spend time together.

So we can all say that recreational intimacy is not much of a problem for any of us. LOL

But if you get stuck into a routine… don’t fret, there are always things you can do to spice things up.. Take a coking class together, take dance classes, do a Paint-n-Sip, go wine tasting, head to a bookstore, go to a new museum exhibit, take a spa day, take a few sex education workshops (trust me they’re fun!), or visit one of the stores and examine new toys, outfits, games.

I did this with hubby, we didn’t walk out with anything more than a few ideas for when we really want to spice things up. Which is always.

Try some things out or examine what you already do with your other have and see what areas can be worked on. Trust me no relationship is perfect and as okay as you may think things are your partner can feel differently.

So again, COMMUNICATE!!!

All the advice, tips, or whatever you get means nothing if you don’t talk to your partner. Before you go spreading your problems to the world, respect your partner enough to speak to them first.

Love. Respect. Trust. Care. Support. Communicate

 

 

 

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Spiritual Intimacy

I’ve searched all through the internet and came across different types of intimacy. Spiritual Intimacy spoke to me in that,out of just talking about building a religion based relationship with your partner it gave a completely different look at the spiritual aspect.

Here spiritual intimacy was describe as “the awe-inspiring moments that you experience with your partner”, with the examples of worshipping as a couple” or “walking hand-in-hand in nature”.

While being intimate through religion is fine for some it is not for those who don’t regularly practice. But for those of you that do, take time to pray together, and for each other. Speak to your higher being together. Relinquish your fears and anxieties, breathe life into your dreams and goals… together.

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Image via ACT

Do not force your spiritual beliefs on your partner. Nor your practices. Share but do not make it a requirement. Do not make them uncomfortable but some of your stricter values that they are more lenient towards. Find a balance that you can both be happy with.

Spiritual intimacy is also taking the time to meditate together of finding your zen moments in silence. It’s focusing on your breathing. It’s letting your incense burn around you. It’s cleansing each other with frankincense and myrrh, it’s smudging with your sage sticks, it’s going through full moon rituals.

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Image via Couples Guided Meditation

It is also walking through a park, finding a bench and enjoying the breeze on your kin, it’s sitting back and watching the waves on the shore, it’s standing on a bridge and taking in the scenery before you, it’s laying on the grass and looking at the sky.

Hubby and I share the latter as our form of spiritual intimacy. We enjoy nature. We recharge in beautiful scenery and each other’s company.

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First vacation together in Myrtle Beach

 

Date Night: Explore

So I was wracking my brain on a good follow through for the last post, intimacy through touch, and I figured some date night ideas on exploring with you partner would be good.

Fun, right!

Get some candles, dim the lights, play your soundtrack that gives you that mellow feel….

Keep in mind:

this kind of intimacy is not sex

it does not have to lead up to sex

you go as far you are comfortable with

also touch can include accessories

exfoliatinggloves.jpg (600×405)Accessories???? Well let’s just say I bought those exfoliating gloves with me on our anniversary getaway and used them during a shower with hubby, it was an experience in itself. I mean being in the shower with one another is awesome. The feel of his soapy hands gliding across my skin, kneading a few muscles here and there, the kisses. The gloves just added a heightened awareness of sensitivities.

Can you say foreplay!

Scarves are a great accessory1eae8d3f3d-flowers-erotic-sensual-sensuel-wow-gotico-PMac2-Rose-daniels-for-me-aaa_large-300x195.jpg (300×195) as well, and you know you have plenty of scarves in the house that would go perfect for a time of exploration. I don’t really need to explain much here, basically your partner is blindfolded either sitting across from you or laying down in front of you. You have the option to straddle or lie/sit next to them. Using fingers, feathers, a rose, or anything you have in mind to use that is soft trace the lines of your partner.

Watch as their breath hitches. Watch as they tremble.

Talk to them. Ask them how they feel.

Take turns.

Sometimes, I like to straddle hubby and look at his face. I trace his eyebrows, his hairline, his jaw, his nose, his lips. I circle his ears and go down to his neck. I caress his cheeks and kiss his eyelids. For me this is relaxing. For me this is an intimate moment for us.

Physical touch can also be a moment of giving your partner a head massage, or playing in their hair in general. Even scratching their beard (I do this often for hubby) and I tell you it’s fun for both.

In that moment of relaxing your partner, you are relaxing as well, you’re both reaching a state of connectivity that will bring you closer to each other than before. Each of these acts are you worshipping in each other, and showing an appreciating in learning each other over and over again.

Trust me, every time I touch hubby it feels like I’m discovering something new and I love it.

Explore. Touch. Caress. Communicate. Love

Intimacy Through Touch

After Saturday’s A-MA-ZIIIIING!!!! orgasmic rounds with hubby and i could finally get my breathing under control (after laying there for a bit and practically falling sleep), we cuddled.

Cuddling is and will always be a great time to be affectionate with your partner.

It doesn’t have to lead into anything, nothing has to be said, it simply is a time to enjoy each others presence, enjoying the act that they are there with you.

For us cuddling comes with trailing fingers and soft kisses, our sweet, sensual caresses.

He started at my shoulder and trailed his finger every so slowly and gently down my arm. there was this one spot near the crease in my elbow that was super sensitive and he made sure to pay attention to my trembling body, how my breath hitched, my body clenched, the ways  my back arched to every other place his fingers seemed to draw these response in my really sensitive or shall i say (erogenous zones)

For Example:

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run your and along her/his curves
caress his/her arms 
A massage is always a good way to explore and learn each others bodies
let you moth discover their lines also
dont forget to taste as you go

Bring a new level of sensuality to your relationship.

Try to touch each other every chance you get, even if it’s just holding hands and exploring your partner’s fingers. Thing about how your hands fit with each other. how strong, delicate, rough, smooth, gentle, or firm they are.

I find it therapeutic to caress my partner. Depending on where we are, take home for example, I’ll sit on his lap, on his back, or behind him with his shirt off and simply explore the softness of his skin, the firmness of his muscles, the strength in his arms. I’ll trace the lines of the tattoos on his chest and arms. I’ll place kisses on his soft spots.

I’ll take a bite from time to time because touching him excites me. It empowers me to know that I can have this strong, beautiful man trembling in front of me, I can bring him moments of peace and relaxation all with a simple touch or kiss.

Take time to explore your partner. Take time to look at them, I mean really look at them. Take time to appreciate what you have right next to you all the time.

Take the time to show your affections.

Touch. Caress. Soothe. Appreciate. Communicate. Support. Care. Love

 

**This is a good site that helps describe in more detail how to increase intimacy through touch with your partner: click here

Hugh Prather & Communcation

Hey all, so I’m going through this training recommended by my mom for my job. It’s called Restorative Circles.

Basically, as the name implies, its a circle or group of individuals, that go through a learning/restoring process together by exploring different topics such as community building, feelings, listening, assertiveness, problem solving, diversity, and making differences by a exploring a series of readings and activities together.

Side Note: I am a Paraprofessional ( Teachers aide) for Grades PK-2

Any who, During the training we were given a reading by Hugh Prather, an excerpt from his book Notes to Myself (had to look it up because it was a really good excerpt!)

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This poem resonated so strongly in me what I want to instill in you about communication in a great relationship.

Communication is not just about talking to your partner, it is about connecting in ways that go beyond verbal conversation. We communicate through body language, we communicate in silence, we communicate through our eyes, we communicate through sighs…..

It’s about being naked and vulnerable and open to your partner, you willingness to expose yourself and share yourself with your partner and having them do the same to you.

It’s transcending from separate identities without holding back bits of yourself.

be open.

be willing.

expose yourself to each other.

in truth if you want to build forever, you need to communicate all parts yourself.

that is the best foundation for you to build on.

Communicate. Build. Trust. Support. Care. Love.

 

Happiness Jar

There are some things on social media that are just awesome. Especially on Pinterest!

Last year, I stumbled across a post about Happiness Jars.

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Happiness Jars are basically mason jars or empty containers where you write on little slips of paper something that made you happy that day, all year long.

Sounds like work right.

But it’s actually really fun.

To make it even more fun, make a Happiness Jar with your partner. At the end of the year you’ll be surprised to see that all the things you think they didn’t notice, actually was, and it made them happy.

You don’t even have to wait for the end of the year, use it as a way to celebrate what you to have built together. Use it as a pick me up when you or your partner is feeling down. Use it as a reminder of why you love each other.

Use it for love and laughs.

I started on one for a few months, lost it, found it again, and shared it with hubby. He really liked to reminisce with me about the moments we shared. He also liked that I took the time to write out the special moments as happy moments, since we had them together.

This can be another way to share with your partner how much you appreciate them.

Create. Share. Appreciate. Support. Communicate. Love

I Appreciate…

Browsing through Instagram earlier, I came across a post of another couple celebrating their anniversary. She posted a photo but in the caption she went through all the things she appreciated about her partner. How he pushed her, how he helped her, the little intimate things he does.

It made me smile.

It also made me remember a conversation I had with 2 of my very good friends about why i chose hubby, how did I know that he was the one for me…

and I told them..

I think about him more than I think about myself at times. He is on my mind from morning til night. I love that he calls me his wife, his queen, his best friend, Mrs. Nimmons. I can have conversations with him about anything and everything. I can be myself around him without feeling self conscious, he’ll just laugh and shake his head or go along with my shenanigans. I enjoy walking down the street and holding his hand. I appreciate that he never lets me cross the street without holding onto him. No matter how frustrated he gets, I know that I can calm him down with just a simple touch. He took care of me when I had the flu (like wrapped me up, kept changing my cold compress, made sure I took my meds and stay hydrated) while my family was on vaca. I love when he kisses my forehead when we cuddle. I love when he snuggles into me like a big baby and tangles our legs together. I love that no matter what i can count on him to find a way under my shirt to rub on my right hip. I love him for how he took care of me when I lost my brother. I love that I can come to him in the middle of day having a breakdown and he’ll just open his arms and wipe my tears. I love when he called my nieces, OUR nieces because my family is his family now. I love that he pushes me as much as I push him. I love him and I appreciate him.

I also appreciate that we take the time to tell each other a few of things just about everyday. We don’t wait for holidays or birthdays to tell each other how much we love each other.

No one day is greater than the other to express how we feel.

Whether its a long text, a handwritten note, or a long email. Express yourself. Shower your partner in your declarations as often as possible. Let them know that you notice what they’re doing for you, what they do for the both of you, and how much you appreciate and love them for it.

Telling hubby these things are my normal, they’re a part of my everyday. Or almost everyday. Start on making it a part of yours if you haven’t already.

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Say this and watch their smile!

Appreciate. Communicate. Support. Love