Vacation, Anniversaries, Celebrations

Hello lovelies,

Hope you all had an amazing Christmas. For those of you celebrating Kwanzaa (Nia!)

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From my family to yours, Happy Holidays ❤

Back to business, Hubby and I’s anniversary is coming up 2 years on New Years (seems so much longer but yea it’s only been 2 years since we made things official, 4 years since our 1st date, and 5 months since he proposed)

You know what that means, time to celebrate our love with a little getaway!!!

Now if you’re like me you like to plan things out early. At least get the gist of how, where, and when:

  • Where are you going?
  • How you gonna get there? How are we paying for it?
  • When are we going?

So we started thinking things out in mid-November. I had a nice hotel picked out, looked at things to do in the area, a car within our budget and of course the price was doable with the dates we wanted. Sent it to hubby… He said he would look it over…….

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Of course he didn’t, so we had to look for things last minute. And everywhere was obviously booked for New Years. Car price was tripled, costing more than our room. And I was annoyed when during our search he pulled up the same hotel.

Really love? Really?

Any who, of course we found something, nothing extravagant, or really like our other vacations. But it will give us more US time since that is really what we need. Just a chance to be with each other no interruptions. Our quality time.

All in all, the moral of this post is: PLAN IN ADVANCE, LISTEN TO YOUR OTHER HALF’S IDEAS, AND LAST MINUTE IS FRUSTRATING!

Connect, Communicate, Support, Love.

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Holidays, Family, Friends and Love

The holidays can be a tough time on relationships. Or not. It all depends on the couple.

What hubby and I like to do during the holidays is take the time to visit each others families if available. At times it can be tough for me, I don’t drive and my house is the place to be for all family gatherings whether it’s family coming in or friends of family. As this is a year where we are celebrating after the loss of my brother, the addition of his daughter ,and also my other brothers daughter (I am the oldest of 5, with my younger siblings all boys). Its going to be an interesting time.

Family politics and all. Joy.

Back to hubby and I’s holiday partakings. He usually stops by on the way to see Grandma spends a few hours there since she’s a few blocks away and his dad is there, comes by me for an hour or so, and then we’re off to spend the rest of the evening with his family. Simple enough right.

Well yea, its a good plan. Just remember life loves to throw curveballs.

Last yea for thanksgiving, he invited me to Thanksgiving by him. He was gonna pic me up on the way in the evening and again stop by say hi to the fam, get in the family picture. all that good stuff. but he wasn’t feeling well so that put a dent in that plan. He did eventually end up being badgered into going, i just wasn’t with him. And that turned into his family thinking we broke up. I thought it was hilarious. This year again he didn’t stay long. With good reason, he had to drive to Jersey from Queens, understandable but again missed the picture lol.

All in all, I’m just saying it’s good to have a plan for the holidays. Whose house are you going to first, the easiest way to travel, joint gifts, time management. It might seem like nothing but it makes it a bit more enjoyable knowing that you’re not stressing yourself out and worrying that you’re leaving someone out during the festivities.

Game plans are necessary for stress free celebrations even with hiccups that may come your way. Plan , or at least try to plan, for the unexpected.

Communicate. Support. Celebrate. Love

Give Space

Supporting your partner is a fundamental in a relationship and most of the time you don’t even really have to do much but say “Baby  I got your back” or just physically be there to show that you care. IF you’re really into it then be their biggest cheerleader!

11fca4d533a930c679ae168545d03264.jpg (504×500)Other times you can just be a silent supporter and give them the space they need to clear their head and figure things out on their own. Trust me it’s frustrating when all you want to do is be there for them when you just end up pushing them further into their own problems.

It’s ok to step back and give them breathing room. Not every problem will be solved working together. Sometimes shit needs to be solved individually.

There have been moments when I caught that tone in hubby’s voice that he was shutting down and would be over with the conversation and while it hurts that I’m just trying to help figure out a way to solve the problem and all he’s doing is shutting me out, I get it. I also cant be mad.

Yea, I’ll be off for the rest of the day cause he’s off. But then he’ll call me later and apologize and eventually tell me, ON HIS OWN, what the problem really is. We give each other that kind of respect to our own persons to handle our situations on our own.

  • We don’t push each other to say things before we’re ready.
  • We don’t demand explanations up front.
  • We don’t crowd and overwhelm each other for answers.
  • We know when to back away.
  • We know when a simple hug and kiss or a walk away to clear ones head is needed.
  • We know when not to speak.

I’m lucky that we have that kind of relationship where open communication is important to both of us. And while we may not want to talk about a situation then and there, eventually it will come out.

Really, we can’t hide squat from each other. There really is480966116-i-wont-give-up-lyrics-love-quotes.png (300×375) a 6th sense when something is wrong at times.
This kind of support comes from really knowing your partner, when to push them and not give into their bullshit and when to back away and give them your silent support. It won always come easy sometimes we may go to far but its done in love. Things will work out the way it’s supposed to in the end.

Love. Communicate. Support. Prosper.

Backseat To Their Goals

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Photo Credit: Google Search

So recently, hubby and I had to have a talk (always talking with us) and it was something that was a long time coming.

We’re both adults, very career minded, and always looking for ways to get further with out goals.

However (there’s that word)…. what happened to the time for US?

See hubby and I don’t live together and we live boroughs apart in NYC. So the time we do get to spend together is limited to weekends and some random days during the week for a spur of the moment date night.

So we cherish our quality time together.

But there are times when making moves towards our goals get in the way of our quality time. When canceled dates become more frequent, over booking ones self more common, or you know just plain old forgetting about plans cause you’ve been so busy.

Now understanding partners are hard to find when it comes to things like this.

While we (not essentially hubby and I) don’t want to compare how we support each other, we can’t help but notice how it starts to become one-sided. We say it doesn’t hurt or its okay, but underneath t all we’re tallying up everything that is being missed.

So yeah, hubby and I had a talk. We both made some points and I let it known that I do support him in everything he does but it hurts when we make these plans for months in advance, we talked on it often but in the end he still can’t make it to something I invited him to due to poor time management.

I get it things happen beyond our control: alarm doesn’t go off, the gym was closed due to cleaning, traffic on the highway, last-minute errands and such.

still,

It’s bothersome that it was so easily brushed aside.I know it wasn’t his intention to miss it but it’s not the first time with him.

It hurts to think that i can do everything in the world to support you but of the few times when it’s really important to me for you to be there and you keep missing it, then I’ll become mum, and not say anything anymore.

I don’t want that to keep happening. So we had a sit down and got both sides across. So yes, hubby is making moves, yes i support him while he does it. but support goes both ways. Showing up goes both ways. I may not express great interest in what he does but I still I’m there (there’s goes the tallying).

I’ll complain, I’ll vent but I know when to suck it up and take it until we can fully get back to US. Only because I know he is working on bettering himself for US that I will  take the backseat to his goals and let him focus. I will put my big girl panties on and smile for him because I know it bothers him since its bothering me. I push him to be better for himself, while he pushes to be better for us. 

I’m saying all this now, but I know that it will continue to happen until we get it right. This topic will be constantly revisited because we’re human and life always has other plans besides the plans we make for ourselves.

Love. Communicate. Support.